If it's not love, let it go...

I've learned a lot lately about love and about the people with whom we play this grand "game of life."  It turns out we all want the same thing:  Love.  But we aren't all playing by the same rules - and we certainly are not all starting from the same level of skill.  I learned long ago (and I'm still learning) that not everyone has my best interest at heart and not everyone cares to.  If you're a soft love giving thing like me this can be a hard, hard lesson to learn...

Sometimes love really does just fall out of the sky;
let go of what isn't love and be ready  for it!

While some people do give and share their love selflessly, some take too much and devalue the love you give.  Some love disappears and some love just dies.  Some people cause harm in the name of "love."  Some demand your love in a way that suits them - but not you.  Some manipulate in the name of love.  Some just plain hurt you.  But I've learned lately that the time has come for us, the members of this beautiful human race, to love ourselves first and give love in real time only to those who deserve it.

We can (if we are so inclined) still love someone who takes too much by sending them love and compassion on the wings of a prayer - and giving that love we wanted to share back to ourselves. But there is no need and no reason to do anything that makes us feel anything less than wonderful inside.  In other words, there is never a good enough reason to give your love to someone who does not give you the same love in return.  The more we let go of those people whose "love" isn't really love, the more space we open for the kind of love we truly want to come rushing in.  ...But we need to be empowered enough to close that "not good love" door and believe in our right to do so before the next one (or two, or three) will open.

Bottom line, if it doesn't make you feel good, it's not love - at least not the kind that is meant for you. Whether it's a friend, your family members, a lover or an acquaintance  it's time to draw the line.  And it's time to demand, expect and allow only love which makes you feel as amazing as you truly are.  And yes, you are that amazing.  <3

Gifts from the universe: Re-examining during Mercury Retrograde...

Mercury is the planet which governs communication, technology  electronics, machinery.  It's a time when computers crash, communication with everyone goes haywire and plans go a muck   This gives us a great opportunity to slow down and focus on our own lives and what we may have missed in the months and years leading up to this time.  You will feel the need to tie up loose ends, speak your truth and handle relationships you have been avoiding.  Read more about Mercury Retrograde here and here.

Mercury Retrograde (November 6-26, 2012) gives us a chance (for about three weeks, three times each year) to go back and revisit the things we've left undone. Nothing complete will ever come back into your life.  The universe wants us to grow so anything that no longer teaches us will simply no longer be in our lives.  Whether memories, behaviors, relationships, questions, tasks left undone or just your way of seeing a situation, we have been given the gift of "re" seeing something in new light. Allow yourself to see anew, to adjust your thinking and feeling and see what you missed the first (or second, or third...) time around.

Rethink

Reflect

Revisit

Redo

Remember

Recalculate

Revise

Redesign

...These are the gifts of Mercury Retrograde

Image of planet in retrograde ("retracing" its own transit)
Source: http://starsyncs.blogspot.com/2010/12/mercury-retrograde-right-brain.html

Nothing comes back to you without good reason and a lesson for you to learn. Ask yourself what old things have come up for you - or come back to you - in the last three weeks. Whatever it may be, it is, at its core, an incredibly important opportunity to explore with new ideas because it is happening to you NOW. Reexamining the past and your attitudes about it is truly a gift because your soul wants to grow and learn lessons.  But don't get stuck with what has come up for you - you must make a choice about what you want to do with this thing, take the necessary actions and let it go. Remember not to hold on; to really let it go because it did not come back to you for you to repeat what you've already done. 

Each day is a new day and an opportunity to let go.  Each day is also a rebirth and an opportunity to see the world with new eyes.  Support yourself in learning both of these lessons during Mercury's retrograde transit.

Imagine just how powerful it can be to be given another chance to let go of something? Or even better - the opportunity to let go of the way you *thought* about that thing last time? Be sure you don't fall into a trap of repeating your own patterns, however, because you are never meant to go back and do the same thing the same way twice. You've changed and so has everything else. Use your current wisdom to revisit, heal, and let go.  ...And yes, be smart about those former flames that seem to magically resurface during Mercury Retrograde.  It's a well known phenomenon that this mystical window of time can bring back a former romantic partner with whom you still have something to heal.  If this has happened for you, re-read this because an old flame may be your trickiest "re" lesson to navigate.

The dark underbelly of "Black Friday"

I spent "Black Friday" far from any shopping center.  Instead, I spent it with a sister peace warrior in the battle to empower young people.  We spent our day talking about what we can do to help disadvantaged girls get ahead in a society which does not adequately prepare them to be successful in the world of work.  These girls have not been given the coaching and education they need and deserve to know just how to fight for themselves and navigate the rules to the game of life.  We dis-empower such young people by allowing the perpetual cycle of poverty to continue.  My friend and I do what we can and when we don't know what else to do, we look to others who do this good work to brainstorm with so we can come up with more ideas.

The irony of it it all is that I have chosen to stand up against the retail enslavement of people in my community and across the world today.  Yes, I said enslavement.  And yes, today is Black Friday.  Those who work for barely living wages do so because there is a feeder system (young people grow up without adequate workplace and career-planning training, in addition to the lack of programs that teach young people how to "unlearn" the habits and negative self-talk of poverty).  As long as my society demands the right to consume at dirt cheap prices, there will be companies who engage in low-wage employment practices, further perpetuating the cycle of poverty. There are those who fight against me right now as I take a stand on this issue but I know I'm not alone and I will stand up for what I believe until others stand up with me.  And you can start by (1) being conscious of how your shopping choices impact all the unseen people involved in bringing a product to you and (2) making any small change in your shopping choices.  Even just one.  Shop locally, support a local craftsman, make your own gifts, give to charity, sponsor children living in poverty, reduce your holiday spending budget or even just buy one less thing.  Any small action you take is one important step.

Source: https://www.facebook.com/brainsparker?fref=ts

2012 Black Friday: Enslavement of the low-wage American worker: 

Last night, before I went to bed, I checked Facebook and saw several posts by friends and many of my college-age former students posting about having to head to work at retail stores at midnight. They went because they need to keep their jobs and they need the money. Did they have a choice? No. And why not? Because our culture of CONSUMPTION has become one which now makes Black Friday not just an opportunity for retail stores to "kick off" the Christmas shopping season, but rather a requirement for us to consume, consume, consume. And who will make this possible for us? The low-wage workers who have no choice to work at these businesses, because when you live in poverty and you lack skills for higher paying jobs, you take and keep any job you can get.

Is it appropriate for any of us to ask someone to work a ten or twelve hour overnight shift they don't normally work when their bodies should be resting so that we Americans can purchase low-priced goods made in sweat shops across the world? No. And now we have become a society which has successfully established the enslavement of our own people (those working the low-wage jobs, of course) to fulfill our selfish desires to both make money (corporate retailers) and consume (citizens who have fallen victim to this ploy to get them to spend). This will not stop. Thanksgiving/Black Friday 2013 will be just as ridiculous - or worse. Retail workers will not be allowed to sleep through the night because their income hails from retail stores which now "have to" participate in order to compete in the profit game. Only WE can stop this. Ask yourself what truly matters and know that the sweatshops and enslavement of workers has finally come here, to our own community. It is as close as that cashier who took your credit card at 2:15AM so you could get that $55 flat screen television made by enslaved workers in China it's easy not to think about.

No one should have to drink Red Bull all night to make it through a ridiculous work shift their bodies are not already accustomed to. Ever. Especially mere hours after celebrating an American holiday which reminds us to "gives thanks" for what we already have.

My stance may shake people awake or it may anger them.  I struggle to censor myself anymore because I know the truth and I have to sleep at night knowing whether or not I took a stand and did whatever I could to make life a little bit better for those who need our help.  There are so many inequities and so many battles to be fought.  This is a challenge for a peaceful warrior who chooses always to see the love first but sometimes the love is the one thing at the heart of the shakedown which remains true.  As the following quote states, enlightenment is a destructive process.  We cannot awaken half-way and we can no longer pretend that the time has not come.  When everything is falling apart around us, it is the best sign I can imagine that it is time for us to destroy our own limiting and fearful beliefs too.

Source: https://www.facebook.com/truthBECKONS

10 truths: Picking up the pieces...

Ten truths worth telling:

1. That thing you really don't want to do is the one thing you really need to do.
2. All suffering ends.  You'll always pick up the pieces and build a stronger YOU in the aftermath.
3. Honor your impulses - if you don't, the energy builds up inside you and becomes something else you really don't want.
4. The time you spend in indecision changes the circumstances surrounding the things you must choose from.  You may have lost a very good thing by waiting to know if it was good enough to choose.
5. Real love never looks the way you thought it would.  Stop looking for it and starting feeling for it instead.
6. Don't allow someone else to choose for you.  They'll never be right.
7. When you don't feel good, put on your hottest jeans, your biggest earrings and pretend that you feel like a million bucks.  Even if no one else bears witness.
8. Dancing cures all ills, soothes all hearts, rids a mind of worry and translates emotional energy into joy, which is the fuel for the beautiful flow of life.
9. All joys and pains, friends and foes, triumphs and failures are meant to teach you something.  Pay attention - and love the painful moments as much as the blissful ones.  The greatest gifts lie in the darkest corners.
10. Falling in love is always worth it.  Always.  Don't tell yourself the old stories of heartbreak.  Heartbreak is only a memory.  Love is what is real, and it is waiting for you to open the door now.

A tree grows in the concrete.
It knows its odds of growing old are not great.
It cares not if its time is short,
rather it cares only to say "I'm here."
"This shadow is mine."
"I've earned what I've accomplished."
"I grew here to teach you a lesson, and
I'm happy to have had the opportunity to help you grow stronger."

3 ways to release, surrender, let go...

There's too much.  Too much of everything.  And for those of us who are sensitive, we are brimming over, swimming in the overwhelm and in need of release. I wish I had a manual for letting go, but I do not.  It seems that no matter how much I let go of, there's always more.  Some days it feels like a bottomless well... but something deep inside of me knows it is not.

We come here, to these lifetimes, to learn, to love, to lose and to let go.  We know we take nothing with us in the end yet we sure live like we do.  In fact, we take as much as we possibly can.  We hoard it - most of the time without even knowing.  We take all of the joys, all of the pains, all of the bliss and all of the sorrows.  Of course we want only the good things so we soak those up eagerly without cause for thought.  We adamantly reject and detest the bad things though because they feel so awful.  But in refusing and hating the bad, we make it grow bigger inside of us.  We focus so much energy on not wanting the pains of life that we sow such a fertile ground of Not Wanting Bad Stuff that we inadvertently attract more and more of it, over and over.  The law of attraction is real.  We really do get back from the world what we send out and when we are consumed with not wanting more of the bad (when we are neck-deep in the bad), that's all we're asking the universe for... and we get it.

This is where The Art of Letting Go comes in.  I should have a post-doctoral degree in this fine art by now.  I once purchased a book on Letting Go at a used book sale and treated it like my bible.  I carried it with me and read the analogies and thought about them over and over (red flag:  I was hoarding letting go).  I believed that the book Who Moved My Cheese was written for me and I had to own a copy after reading someone else's (yeah, there it is again...).  I needed to know *how* to let go and I wasn't going to stop until I figured it out (spoiler alert:  I don't claim to have figured it out, but I have donated most of my books and I have a few approaches I recommend trying).

Most of the time we know instinctively that we need to let go of things that no longer serve us (the knowing becomes clearer the more times we've faced the challenge of letting go - or, in some cases, when a close friend simply refuses to hear the story once more).  [So, Recommendation #1:  Get a good friend.  And be real honest with said good friend - ask for real honesty in return.  Buy good friend a drink and show up when good friend needs you to do the same.]

We need to let go so that we can focus on what we *do* want in our lives in place of the bad.  But those bad moments can be so insidious that they get stuck inside of us, refueling the automatic delivery system of exactly what we don't want any more of - so we get more bad, over and over, creating a seemingly bottomless well of hard, challenging, painful experiences.  Letting go of the thoughts, energies and (understandable) hatred of the negative stuff in our lives then becomes so challenging that it seems impossible to get out.  We feel as though we can't even remember what the good moments look like anymore.  The typical advice to "think positive" and focus on what we truly want becomes an irritating reminder that David is smaller than Goliath and he can't possibly win.  But what if the art of letting go happens in surrendering to the monster?  Can we love it enough to turn even our darkest moments and deepest worries into parts of ourselves that we can't help but love?

I believe so.

I believe that the brightness of love can shine its loving (and joyful) light precisely in the places we can't seem to escape.  By turning to face the monster and giving it love, we can shine our own light on the thing we want so desperately to let go of.  By loving that which we hate, we take away its power and we have nothing to avoid any longer.  The scary parts become the parts of us that are craving love and tenderness - something we have within us to give and feel much better than when we hate them.

Therefore, Recommendation #2:  Love the bad stuff, all of it, see it as part of yourself - a part that really needs a hug, to be held, to be told it's dream job is coming, it's beautiful and smart and has great hair... you get the point.

And because I'm a big fan of journaling - and writing in general, here's a third suggestion for your letting go journey, for good measure:

Recommendation #3:  Write a letter to God/your higher self/your guides/your angels/the person who hurt you/your future self/Santa Claus and tell him/her/it your deepest secrets, hopes, fears and desires.  Beg, plead, pray, bargain.  It doesn't matter what you say or how you say it, just that you are honest and that you are releasing some of the energy that is wrapped so tightly around what you need to let go of.  Then seal it up, burn it, hide it, shred it, bury it or read it back to yourself and hit delete.  It doesn't matter what you do with it because the message was delivered the moment you wrote it and acknowledged its existence   You've simply empowered your own ability to release (i.e. leg go) in the simplest of forms.  After all, it's all energy.  The fears, the hopes, the intentions, the messages in your letters, the worries you carry - all of it is just energy.  Release any small amount of that energy you no longer want and you will feel freer to start asking for and attracting what you do want.

I honor your strength, courage and determination in the battle of letting go.  ...And I have no idea who would own a necklace that says "let go" - not a clue.

Let's agree to disagree...

This may be the sharpest and most powerful tool in our toolbox but why don't we use it?  It's entirely possible to agree to disagree.  After all, we're smart enough to know by now that we can't change people, right?  And if we know that, certainly we can deduce from such logic that we can't change someone else's thinking by continually arguing with them, right?  But we don't follow this logic, as a rule.  We think if we fight harder, longer, nastier and in more hurtful ways, eventually we will win.  But when we do this, no one wins.

Is it a better outcome for you or for me or for society if no one wins?  No.  Because the collateral damage, the fighting, the pain, the wars, the manipulation... it hurts everyone.  And I do mean everyone.  Everywhere.

Today is election day in the United States.  It is an apropos time for me to pick up my metaphorical blogging pen once again (after an eight month hiatus) to say a few things about my favorite topics (love, peace and fairness) in relation to this day of great dichotomies.  We are choosing between two extreme choices today - and extreme choices are usually (if not always) polarizing.  Today in particular, we are choosing between...

Fear or excitement about the outcome of the election
Left or right political leanings
Democrat or Republican
Obama or Romney
Fair ballots or corruption
To vote for or vote against
Right or wrong
Fight or give up

....It all seems like too much - and it is.  And it has cost us so much.  Dead trees from all those glossy full-color political mailers...  Voice mail messages we don't want to listen to...  Billions of dollars spent on political advertising while the number of people living in poverty in this country and around the world has grown higher and higher...  And in some cases, it has cost people friendships because love can be lost when two people who otherwise don't interact politically for years suddenly realize they are on opposite sides of a very personal-*feeling* fence.  But it's not as personal as we think.  That's the problem.

We may care about an issue and we may choose to put our energy, focus, voice and money behind it, but we don't *own* the issue.  It does not belong to us.  Not to you, or me, or anyone, no matter how personally we feel we are connected to the issue.  Issues are just that.  They are issues.  They are the stories and discussions and arguments and laws and lawsuits and books and quotes and emotions that have been collected around a thing that we give power to.  Some issues - and the momentum of change they have created - have served us well.  Some issues have built great leaders and given us gifts of freedom, liberty, humanity, equality, movements, change and insight.  Other issues have given us agita, stress, anxiety, worry, fear, hatred, war and death.  But no issue is worth fighting to the death for.  None.  Ever.  Think like Gandhi in relationship to your issue.  In relationship to all issues.   Stand up for it, yes.  Speak up for it, yes.  Make it your reason for breathing if you must but do not turn to hatred or fighting.  Start a movement, motivate others, educate people.  But do not fight.  Fighting only begets more fighting, more fear, more hatred, more war, more death.

And there is something we can do now to end the fighting over issues, over politics.  We can't expect to see a less partisan government, that is clear.  But we can become less partisan ourselves.  We can choose to have conversation and healthy discussion that we can learn from.  We can agree to disagree and put humanity and our respect for each other ahead of "winning."  Because, after all, when one side "wins" in these terrible dichotomies, no one wins, least of all you and me.  Let's lead by example.  Let's show our "leaders" how it's done.

Yes, No, and Cancer...

It all comes down to balance.  But why is the illusive perfect in-between so hard to capture - and hold on to?

Harmony.  Balance.  Peace.

I've seen over and over again a commonality among so many women I know:  An inability to say no that is accompanied by an inability to say yes - for herself.

What is often said:

"Sure, I can do that for you.... and no, I don't need any help."

That's fine if it balanced with an equal amount of:

"No, I'm not able to help with that right now... and I need help with something."

Why the imbalance?  Because, too often, the people who are asked to help are those who are reliable, extremely giving (whether asked or not) and almost exclusively willing to sacrifice themselves for the needs of someone else.  And once others know who the "yes" people are in their lives, they develop a comfort level which can and often does turn into a form of dependency.  This, in turn, creates a new dynamic that becomes very difficult to break free from - one that makes both the giver and taker believe that this is the "norm" of their relationship.  This is a terribly imbalanced relationship and also a form of codependency.

There can be healthy codependency for periods of time but the overall and long-term picture of a relationship between any two people must have a healthy balance of give and take.  For instance, two people diagnosed with the same disease who find one another at a support group can become equally dependent on each other for support and understanding.  As long as this need does not become one which excludes the support (through the giving and taking of a reciprocal relationship) with others, this can be healthy and mutually beneficial.

This reciprocity of relationships in our lives has been at the front of my mind this week for several reasons.  It is indeed something I am still trying to perfect and embody in my own life.  I was reminded of my own tendencies to give too much and ask for too little help after I spent a recent evening with a friend battling cancer.  Her extremely loving, protective, generous nature has made her a giver for her entire lifetime yet now, at a time of great need when even her children are telling her to say no more often, I wonder if she is asking for all she needs.  I, too, know just how hard it is to ask.  There are so many reasons why a confident, strong, independent women tend not to ask for help.  But isn't it that same self-confidence that can give her the strength to ask for help when she needs it?  Easier or not, receiving help will help her to gain her strong sense of balance, critical for a healthy, balanced life.

I know that developing a strong balance of giving and receiving supports a person's equilibrium on a physical level, an emotional level, a mental level and even an energetic level.  As within, so without.  It's my belief then that it is our responsibility to teach our children how to develop, maintain and share their own inner sense of balance throughout life.  Quite simply, balance gives us a foundation from which to build the stamina and the sense of inner peace necessary to foster healthier lives, relationships, boundaries and perhaps even healthier bodies.

In my work, I taught my students about developing a work-life balance and reciprocal relationships in the workplace.  I think it's time I take that a step further.  We need a lot more yes-no balance in the world - and a hell of lot less cancer.

The famous speech... MLK still speaks...

Have you seen it?  

Have you learned from it?  

Have you been absorbed by it?  

Have you made choices in your life to live by it? 

I've been to Selma, Alabama.  I've stood at the church.  I've traveled the fateful road that saw so many march for what they knew to be their true and God-given rights.  And, I've seen the segregation so obvious to the eye and heart which still exists in this place where the movement began.

"This situation can and will be changed."

- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Watch it. 

Listen to his voice. 

Feel it in your heart.  

Live the truth.  

Know this speech and it's important moment that opened a door of change in our collective human history.

Today is not just a day off from school.  

It is a day to reflect and see how much has and has not changed since 1963.

The Speech that woke humanity... Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Let freedom ring!

On Divine Law...

Our story is never ending.  

The outcomes are not predestined, rather the opportunities and challenges that come up along the way.  

How we handle what we face is up to us and determines where we go next.  

Because the story never ends we must remember to always do what is best for ourselves and others because we are all part of the same divine energy governed by the Divine Law that says... 

*that which we send out to the world through thought, action or intent will indeed return to the place it came from... us*.

Divine Law, meaning that which is fair, loving and created for our highest interest, was created by Divinity and Divinity is the God energy that loves, protects and teaches us all as we learn that we are all indeed One. 

My journey is never ending and I choose to carry and embody love and right action for my companions along the way.

I embrace and I live by Divine Law.

I embrace and live by the Law of Love.

It's a new day...

It's a new dawn.  It's a new year.  It's a new beginning.  It's a leap year!

I've always loved the New Year.  Sure, I've loved the celebrations, the toasts, the kisses, the parties (yup, I did Times Square when at midnight a ball dropped and Prince's 1999 played everywhere) and I've even loved a New Years Eve or two alone for serious introspection.  Since I was a kid I loved the idea of celebrating a new beginning, entering a new day and a new year during the darkness of night and I love New Year's Eve fireworks so much more than those on the Fourth of July.  I find the cold winter night to be a time when we humans would only venture out into the night because something REALLY big is happening.

Last night, I felt that something really big did happen.  Something way bigger even than roaming the streets of Times Square and dancing to "1999" in the wee hours of 1999.

I don't know what it is, I won't pretend to predict anything but I do know that the shift I've been feeling, the one that has been aligning inside of me, shifted in a rather profound way today when I awoke - and I'm excited to see what comes with it along the way.

I'm a big fan of love, light, positivity, prayer, intention... of giving what you can and taking care of your own heart so I'm carrying these things with me into 2012.  I encourage you all to follow me into your own loving light in 2012.  We will need it.  We will surely need reminders to look for our own light and we may need to rely on each other's light more than we're prepared to but know that this is precisely the reason we will carry it forward.  The world - and you, and me - we all need the light and the love to help heal our species and bring love and divine intention back to planet Earth.  Our big beautiful temporary home needs us to love her and love each other just as she does by giving us absolutely everything we need to exist here.  If we can learn to love a little more (and this means loving ourselves more too), then we can surely start that ripple effect that we all know changes the balance of things in the world, heals all things and courses through the veins of each and every one of us.

May you be inspired enough to live your dreams.
May you have the courage enough to be unblocked from your own destiny.
May you have the strength enough to face any obstacle.
May you carry the light you were given by God through even the darkest days.
May you give love to one more person than you thought possible.
May you heal your spirit, strengthen your body and be who you are uniquely meant to be in the world.

Most of all,
May nothing hold you back.

And if you aren't sure you're ready for the big shift or the big energy coming our way, just take this tiny little test.  Just one question, that's all.

Q:  Did you let go of something in 2011 - a relationship, a job, a habit, a toxic situation, a bad friend, a bias, an unneeded possession, a false belief, a denial, a story that no longer defined you, an obsession, a fear?

If you answered YES to any part of this question, then congratulations, you're with us.
If you answered NO, I'm afraid you've landed on the wrong blog.

Happy 2012, ya'll!