Time with Mom... and making her proud.

There is not a blog site with enough of space nor a book with enough pages to allow anyone, ever, to write everything there is to be written about the complex and holographic relationship between a mother and daughter.  I'm not even going to attempt anything of the sort.  Instead, here's what I have to say (starting with a concise list of twenty items)...

In five day's time, my mother has:

1. Celebrated the return of my 26th birthday (again).
2. Reminded me and informed several others that she spent two days of hard labor "bringing me into this world."
3. Watched me speak from the heart to a room full of people.
4. Met people who love me.
5. Met people I love.
6. Met some of my friends who are now her friends on Facebook.
7. Stayed up until 4:00AM, on purpose.
8. Made me cookies.
9. Conspired to marry me off.
10. Burned cupcakes.
11. Bought me $3.00 gourmet cupcakes.
12. Ate sushi for the first time.
13. Decided she doesn't like sushi and has no use for chopsticks.
14. Made a commitment to a monthly donation to my favorite cause.
15. Meditated with a group of women she'd never met ...and me.
16. Did not learn how to upload photos on her new laptop despite hours of my coaching.
17. Spent too much time on Facebook.
18. Made me laugh.
19. Frustrated me.
20. Made me wish she lived closer.

She'd have to make her own list of things I've done since she's been here but I'm pretty sure her list would be just as ridiculous.  And I know that she would add one thing, and it is this:

I've made her proud.  

She tells me that a lot these days.  She would be the first to tell you that she should have told me this a lot more during the first 20 years of my life.  But she and I have learned a lot and come to appreciate the fact that our greatest challenges with each other - in this most sticky relationship - are exactly the challenges we both needed to go through and overcome to become who we are today.

Somewhere along the way in life, I learned that motherly love can come from anyone.  I tell my students that they've made me proud because everyone needs positive reinforcement and the kind of love that comes from hearing these words.  I know I do.  And I think we should all affirm one another often as we can.  We should all say "You've made me proud" more often than we do.  This is not necessarily just a mother's job, of course, but I think many people assume that others get this kind of reinforcement at home and that's enough - but it's not.  And what's worse, we don't think it's necessary to commend one another.  Far too many people do not have mothers, fathers, partners, families, colleagues or bosses in their lives who can give them this kind of gift.  But you can.

There's a great deal of love, gratitude, power and magic in telling someone that they have made you proud.  So go ahead and tell someone that he or she has made you proud.   Today.

Thanks Mom.  You've made me proud.  ;-)

Gratitude is more than words...

I had the most wonderful weekend for 32 orphaned girls in Mtwapa, Kenya.

My birthday party for charity on Saturday evening at my friend Alex's house was a fantastic success.  It was a fun, happy and inspirational event attended by a diverse crowd of people who all care about things bigger than themselves.  They now, too, care about what is happening in Kenya.

I was delighted with the turnout, the money raised, and the awareness generated for my favorite charity, One Home Many Hopes, but these are just words and they cannot begin to express how I feel about what was and always will be a lovely moment in time.

Photo courtesy of Graham Marley, www.grahamwinslowphoto.com

My heart has expanded.

My hope has been affirmed.

My dreams have taken root.

My belief in humanity has strengthened.

And I've seen once again that something bigger than us 

brings us together in love.

As Thomas Keown, OHMH's founder, said to me as we slowly made our way to the door at the end of the evening, "the money raised is only a part of what is to come from this evening."  The seeds planted and the energy put into motion will surely bring us so much more - an immeasurable amount more.  This is the kind of hope that has led so many people to build OHMH into what it is today.  It is also exactly what I know and believe to be true and magical about the human spirit.  We dropped a pebble in the pond on Saturday night.  Now it's time to watch the fantastic journey of the ripples created by that pebble.

Just as there are not tools to measure the impact of my birthday fundraiser, there are not words for me to express my gratitude to all who were involved, all who gave, and all who will continue to give.

So for making my wish come true, I'll simply say

Thank you.

Heal the World, Make It a Better Place...

It's no surprise to anyone who knows me that I know that Michael Jackson sang about the kind of truth in the world that we are experiencing today.  I also know that we can Heal the World, we can Make It a Better Place.  And we must.

I'm so struck today by this unconscionable disaster in Japan.  Many of us are left with images today that shock us and beg the question, "what can I do?"  Or better yet, "what should I be doing?"  I'm typically not a fan of shoulding someone but in this case, I believe that it is our obligation as humans to do something.  And we can do something just as easily as we we breathe, think and enjoy the pleasures that exist just by being here on this big beautiful planet.

While so many are suffering on Earth today, I feel that I have to do something.

I can't go rescue people in Japan.  I can't put out fires.  I can't find lost loved ones or deliver water to people trapped in their homes.  I can't figure out how to secure nuclear reactors or put highways back together.  I can't tell a mother that her child is gone or a child that her mother is gone.  Someone else, somewhere, will do what I cannot do but that does not remove responsibility from me or anyone else.

So I will do what I can, where I can and how I can.  What I can do is feel good that I've been giving my time and passion to a volunteer cause helps young girls I've never met.  That today I gave my time and knowledge to a friend who is growing into a role much bigger than himself.  That tomorrow I will give my birthday to a cause that is dear to my heart.  And I will give my time and joy to my mother over the next few days.  I will also recycle, call my friends, see a newborn and commit to praying more for peace in the world.

I fear that some people have developed a sense of numbness, a sense of helplessness or surrender in the face of the extreme pain, loss and anguish we have seen so much of lately.  It's true that it feels like it is almost too much for a single heart to bear.  I fear that some people have given so much to the last disaster that happened - or to the one before it - that they feel they have been exhausted.  That they've "given enough" - or even worse, that they've "given too much."

We must all continue to give and to give every single day.  Not just when Katrina hits.  Not just when Haiti is in ruins.  Not just when there is upheaval or celebration over a toppled regime.  Not just when you can turn on the TV and be reminded of your responsibility to give.  Just like life, where we must continue to celebrate on all the days between the holidays, we must also give on all the days in between.  We must learn to give when everything seems well in the world, in our community or in our own home.  We must give every single day.  In any way we can.  We must say hello to a stranger.  Ask the clerk at the grocery store about his day and really listen to what he has to say.  We must acknowledge a homeless woman and remind her that she is just as important, or intelligent, or worthy as you or me.  Let's not look away from someone in a wheelchair.  Let's ask a restaurant owner why he is using Styrofoam and then ask him politely not to.  Offer someone a ride.  Offer your skills to a friend.  Start donating to a cause that can do what you cannot.  Be more loving toward someone who rubs you the wrong way.  Call your estranged father.

Let's stop drawing lines.  Let's start building bridges between us.   But more than anything, let's start giving something - anything-  to someone today.  We are all victims of Katrina, Darfur, Haiti, and Japan just as much as we are the hero who pulls bodies from the wreckage or the one who fixes the highways.  What none of us should ever be is indifferent because what happens to everyone else happens to us as well.

They are us, and we are them.  

I am you, and you are me.  

We are one.  

And we can all heal the world.  

...For the children, and the children's children.

Girl Power, Women's Empowerment and the end of "the lesser sex"...

International Women's Day is 100 years old today...  How are we doing, humanity?  And what are YOU doing to change things?

Are we where we should be?  No.  We should be much further along on this journey.  I don't see one reason why not, either.  We've fought a long, hard battle.  Sure, my grandmother gained the right to vote (in the United States) in her lifetime and yes, it's illegal for someone to hire or fire on the basis of gender (in the United States) but tonight, in most of the world, such things are only dreams for women who can only focus survival and feeding their starving children.


Are more women empowered today than we were 100 years ago?  Some (in the United States and other developed countries) are, yes.  For for most women around the world, their great, great grandmothers' lives looked awfully similar to their own.  


Are women stronger and more powerful than they once were?  I don't know.  I believe that women contain an infinite source of strength and courage - and always have.  I also believe that 100 years has brought some of us closer to the freedom to USE that infinite source of strength and courage for more than just survival, therefore allowing us to tap into that source of power in new and more far-reaching ways.  But more powerful?  I don't think that's the right question to ask.  Perhaps the right question is, then, are we getting closer to the freedom to use our power?  Yes, I believe we are.  


The facts are terribly painful but I know that pain can be turned to passion to change the world.  From the horrific realities of the lives of young girls who suffer rape, torture and genital mutilation in third world countries to the sexism, oppression and gender bias that exists right here in the Land of the Free, women - and our collective feminine experience - contain enough suffering to motivate every single one of us to the kind of passion needed to change the world.  I believe that the call to action surrounding the rights of women is as great as the Earth itself - and the potential within womankind is the greatest untapped source of energy that this planet has ever had or will ever contain.


My life and my work is about doing what I can, as one woman, to empower and engage as many women and girls in the shift that I believe is happening on this planet.  From my work with One Home Many Hopes where we house, feed, love, and educate a group of orphaned and abandoned girls in Kenya, to my work as an urban teacher of business, creative expression and entrepreneurship, I do all that I can for every single girl who has entered my life.  The greatest thing I can do, in my opinion, is to remind each girl I know that she has a voice - a voice that must be used because only SHE can do what God sent her to this world to do.  Each girl, each woman, each human is here containing a gift of strength and a passion greater than she can imagine.  Once each girl, each woman and each human begins to realize this, and to see her own unique potential to do Good in the world, we will all be living in a world where the term "lesser sex" would never be used to describe a group of human beings who have suffered and survived atrocities such as these... (Source: dosomething.org)

1. Women perform 66% of the world’s work, but receive only 11% of the world’s income, and own only 1% of the world’s land.
2. Women make up 66% of the world’s illiterate adults.
3. Women head 83% of single-parent families. The number of families nurtured by women alone doubled from 1970 to 1995 (from 5.6 million to 12.2 million).
4. Women account for 55% of all college students, but even when women have equal years of education it does not translate into economic opportunities or political power.
5. There are six million more women than men in the world.
6. Two-thirds of the world’s children who receive less than four years of education are girls. Girls represent nearly 60% of the children not in school.
7. Parents in countries such as China and India sometimes use sex determination tests to find out if their fetus is a girl. Of 8,000 fetuses aborted at a Bombay clinic, 7,999 were female.
8. Wars today affect civilians most, since they are civil wars, guerrilla actions and ethnic disputes over territory or government. 3 out of 4 fatalities of war are women and children.
9. Rape is consciously used as a tool of genocide and weapon of war. Tens of thousands of women and girls have been subjected to rape and other sexual violence since the crisis erupted in Darfur in 2003. There is no evidence of anyone being convicted in Darfur for these atrocities.
10. About 75% of the refugees and internally displaced in the world are women who have lost their families and their homes.
11. Gender-based violence kills one in three women across the world and is the biggest cause of injury and death to women worldwide, causing more deaths and disability among women aged 15 to 44 than cancer, malaria, traffic accident, and war.

And to end on an optimistic note, consider what investing in a girl's life can create in return:

"Girls may be the answer to some of the world’s most challenging problems. Research shows effectively investing in girls in developing countries creates a virtuous circle that improves health and prosperity for entire communities.  Girls who are better-educated earn more money, get married later, are healthier, and have fewer children than their peers. As earners, they invest more of that money back into their families, which accelerates the benefits of the initial investment, improving the lives of a whole new generation." From an article called "Philanthro-teens" at http://doc.mediaplanet.com/all_projects/6574.pdf

Know a girl?  Love a woman?  Have a mother?  Then you need to ACT.  A lot of words can be written, holidays can be celebrated and blogged about but change only comes from action.  So mentor a girl.  Fund a woman's new business idea.  And help me to banish an oppressive term that should never have been uttered in the first place.

Now, I ask YOU, what are YOU doing to empower women and girls RIGHT NOW?

Loving someone you've never met...

No, I'm not talking about online dating.  I'm talking about a contagious Love that has caught me and so many others completely by surprise.  It is the Love for 32 orphaned girls in Mtwapa, Kenya that exists within a community of volunteers for an organization called One Home Many Hopes.  This is a community to which I happily belong.

I've worked with underprivileged children for as long as I can remember.  In many ways, I was one myself, receiving the support of kindhearted church-goers who funded summer camp for me and my sister, and the like. I have been working with, loving, and going out of my way to take care of children who need me since I became an adult and I don't see an end to that but I've found myself in a state of awe for the Love that exists in the One Home Many Hopes (OHMH) community.

When I attended an event in May of 2010 at the request of my friend and OHMH volunteer, Tracy, I was surprised to find well over 200 other people in attendance.  I wondered to myself if I had somehow missed the boat.  How had I not heard about an organization with this kind of following in my own town?  I brought my mom to the event which was a great experience because she was able to witness what turned out to be my Love at First Sight moment with the organization.  We sat in the front row, directly in front of the projection screen where I first saw the faces and voices of a group of girls I will now do anything I can to help.

By the time the time Anthony Mulongo (the Kenyan who rescued and housed each of these girls) was finished speaking, I was in tears and I had been changed for life.  I had fallen in Love.  I hugged the man I'd never before met and promised to do anything I could.  And I am.

I brought home magnets with the girls faces that night and put them on my refrigerator.  I now look at those beautiful girls each time I open the door.  I smile at them, talk to them and tell them I Love them.

To those who know me, this isn't much of a surprise - or very far out of the ordinary for me.  I care.  A LOT.  But there has been something special about the way I feel connected to OHMH and these girls that I can't quite explain.  And then, today happened.

Today I asked another volunteer, Cristina, to tell me her story about what drew her to OHMH.  Cristina sent me the link to her story on the organization's website, and I was amazed to learn that volunteering for OHMH is the reason she decided NOT to move out of the country.  I mean, people move for all sorts of reasons and they are typically not come upon lightly.  Some of us have even left behind relationships, families and best friends for the promise of something greater.  But to STAY for a nonprofit that can't pay you for your dedication?  That's unheard of!  I had a wonderful chat with Cristina who is equally in Love with the 32 girls who live in an orphanage in Kenya that she, too, has not met.  I thought this was a pretty incredible moment in my day.  After all, I'm giving my birthday this year to the girls, Cristina gave up an international relocation...  Really! What is in the OHMH water?

But Cristina's story was not the end of my amazement today.  My sister, Suzie, fell in Love with OHMH today, too.  Now, you should know that my sister is as about as opposite from me as she could be.  I'm a woman of words and emotion, she is a woman of images and thought.  I'm a teacher, a writer, and a motivator to causes.  My sister is a photographer with a dry wit who rarely shows the kind of gushy, mushiness that has long been part of my trademark.  Case in point:  She finally posted a response to her only sister's blog yesterday for the first time.  The entry she commented on was the deeply personal essay I wrote about Setting Boundaries.  What did she write, you might ask?  And I'm quoting her here:  "hey. that stop sign is in my neck of the woods."  Yup, she commented on the photograph I used to illustrate my deeply poignant message about boundaries. Oy.

Suzie and I have come to appreciate our differences and I love that my sister shows the world through her lens what is in her heart - and she's damn good at it!  She photographs the unique love of families, pregnant women in their most joyful moments, and babies who don't give a damn about the camera - and somehow each image manages to capture a moment in time that I'm pretty sure her subjects weren't even aware of.  You would understand, then, that I would never expected to get an email from my sister today with a two-page heart-felt letter written to every single one of her friends explaining her Love for the girls of Mudzini Kwetu. 

My sister told me that her letter, and her Love for OHMH, came to her this morning while she was at church.  The message of that sermon was simply that "faith always has a plan."  I wish I had heard the rest of that sermon but I'm pretty sure her minister was talking about the kind of plan that built OHMH and has brought so many of us to have the kind of faith that allows us to Fall in Love with the girls, the cause and the community it has created.  I'm pretty sure that faith's plan is to show us all this kind of Love - the kind of Love that allows you to devote yourself to someone you've never met - and the kind of Love is changing the world.  


Have a OHMH Love Story of your own to share?  Send it to OHMHLoveStories (at) g m a i l (dot) c o m!

Setting boundaries...

Ah, the Achilles Heel for me and so many other women. But I'm making changes. Who's with me?

With my birthday coming up, I'm taking stock, cleaning house and putting up new speed limits and STOP signs on the highways and merry lanes of my soul.  I'll be honest, a lot of people have driven a lot of over-weight, loud-muffler bearing, exhaust-spewing jalopies through my soul that should have never been licensed for operation in the first place.  But I've been open - too open - and so I've unwittingly allowed them have their joy rides and illegal street races, hence the lesson of this little soliloquy.  I'm done with the oil dripping, pot holes and smog.  Are you?

I've found it very easy to see and diagnose the People Pleasing Disease (PPD) in so many women and girls I know.  I have fought ardently against the spreading of this disease, and, like any good girlfriend, I've dedicated HOURS upon HOURS amounting to surely weeks of my life to helping other women re-pave their own damaged roads.  The question is, have I done the same for myself?  I think I'm calling myself on the carpet here.  Not necessarily practicing what I preach...  The question is, though, why have I not?

I think perhaps the boundary setting lesson is one that sets in later in life for many women (and for too many, far too late in life).  As I sit here at the intersection of last year and next year, I'm actually quite grateful for the gift of another year under my belt.  The wisdom that comes with it far outweighs the perceived laundry-list of down-sides that we women are told to fear/despise/mourn/surgically alter as we grow older (don't even get me started on this little gem of backwards thinking that exists in this and so many other societies...).  Really, I can't see where the downsides are.  I think I'm more attractive than I was ten years ago, more confident (which makes a woman more attractive), smarter, sassier, wiser, and happier.  I've also got a whole lot of street smarts I didn't have ten years ago.  I dare you to tell me what I've lost.  Please.

This year's Ah-Ha moment will be wrapped in a big red bow (or perhaps yellow "caution" tape for those tempted line-crossers) and I will happily present it to myself in celebration of another year of life.  I'm giving myself the gift of saying NO.  I'm giving myself the gift of doing what I want to do and not what someone else wants or expects me to do.  My heart is about as big as the ocean so there's no danger of Shadenfreude here, so why haven't I been trusting myself and enforcing speed limits or erecting stop signs where they are needed?  Is this just part of the female condition?

I've become quite comfortable with my wisdom, confidence, life experience and the belief that I am an awfully valuable member of the human race.  Oh, and I'm an eternally optimistic survivor so there's no danger of blind Pollyanna-ness here.  I have indeed seen the ugliness of life, quite a bit of it actually. I just choose to still be incredibly positive about what we are all capable of overcoming and achieving.  My own process of reflection (a welcome side-effect of wisdom) has taught me to start protecting myself from all of the toxic pollutants of life, be they smog, PPD, negative people, toxic relationships or staying too long where I no longer want to be.  I am letting it all go and drawing some lines.

So here I am, world: Amy With Boundaries.  I've learned that by saying no, I don't feed into others' unhealthy habits, helping them to heal in their own ways as well.  It's a matter of stopping a cycle of dependency.  After all, in order for someone to take advantage of another person (that's some pretty bad Karma that needs to be healed), there must be a willing recipient (you've got to heal that kind of Karma too), conscious or not.  I choose to be conscious. I hope you will choose to consciously set your own boundaries too.

I'm positive that if it's done for your soul and with the right intentions, no one will be hurt.  In fact, you may find that other women and girls begin to model your behavior and will do the same for even more women.  If we do this right, ladies, we can heal a very old wound in the human condition and rid 51% of the population of a terribly painful habit that no longer serves anyone.

Give Your Birthday for Your Birthday

I'm sure there's a movement or a website for this kind of thinking because I love it so much.  If not, then I hereby declare this the beginning of the Give Your Birthday for Your Birthday Movement.

It started as an off-handed idea.  I have a friend who said she was planning to do a service project for her birthday and it got me thinking about throwing a bash for my birthday that raised money for my favorite cause, One Home Many Hopes.  I put the idea out to the universe on the universe's favorite communication tool, Facebook, and everything fell into place.

Some of the girls laughing and playing at their new home in Kenya.

I'll be throwing a fabulous party with the help of some very generous friends and I ask only that folks come to learn about the organization's mission and what is happening half a world away in Kenya.  Oh yeah, and that they make a donation. One Home Many Hopes (OHMH) is an organization founded by two amazing human beings, Anthony Mulongo (a Kenyan) and Thomas Keown (an Irishman) who work tirelessly to house, love and educate abandoned, abused and orphaned girls in Mtwapa, Kenya.  It's a small movement with immeasurable impact on the lives of girls who are just like you and me:  full of hopes, dreams, talents and important contributions to give this world.  Girls who WILL change the world.

I've found that my birthday party fundraiser has attracted more people than I expected and it's brought people together in a way I hadn't imagined.  OHMH is run by volunteers and this has brought several new friends into my life which is a gift in and of itself, but the richness of this entire experience is even deeper because it has opened a part of my soul that I hadn't yet tapped into.  I HOPE you take a moment to learn about OHMH as well.  Watch this two minute video and you will see first hand that the girls HOPE you do, too.

I dare you to Give Your Birthday for Your Birthday and see just how giving this special day away to those in need can bring you far more in return than what you would otherwise bring to yourself.  It's all about giving, loving and opening your hearts, people.  This is a perfect way to begin giving and commit to giving for a lifetime.  After all, you're going to have a birthday each year, every year.

Need more reasons to do this?  I'm great with lists, so here you go.

1. There are countless children on our great Earth who do not know their birth dates, let alone celebrate them.
2. The money spent on celebrating YOU can feed, house or educate SOMEONE ELSE for far longer than you think else where in the world.
3. We are here on Earth to love, to give to and take care of one another.  There are nearly 7 billion of us - that's far more people than you know and who can come celebrate with you.  
4. There are countless children in the world living without parents, without shelter, without food and without anyone to love them tonight.
5. You'll never forget your birthday so you'll never forget to give.
6. You're living in a part of the world that allows you to read what I'm writing right now and while you are doing so, someone is providing light, electricity, and internet connection - and probably even a little heat or air conditioning to make this a comfortable experience for you.  Do you know how many people CANNOT do what you're doing right now and never will?
7. You could have just as easily been born somewhere in the world where you would never celebrate your birthday because survival would be the only priority you'd ever have.
8. There are so many organizations doing wonderful things to help the people I've made you think about here and they COUNT ON donations from people like me and YOU.
9. Your friends will inspired by you to give back as well.  They will love you a little more and will probably make your birthday an even more rewarding experience for you.
10. To give is to receive.  Love is all there is and I promise you that the more you give, the more you get in return.

Want to give to OHMH for my birthday?  I HOPE you will.  Click here.  And I thank you very, very much.