A lesson on never crossing the finish line...

My lesson for this moment: The work is never done. The goal is never achieved. The finish line is never crossed. This is because of the ever-expanding nature of our universe and our human experience. When I work on or work towards something, the work I have done to this point affects the nature of what I am doing. My work then expands and becomes something else, something new, something brighter, something bigger. As much as my deep desire in life is to be able to check things off a to do list, this is not the nature of life. Sure, we can complete small tasks and bucket list items but even those "items" we've completed have changed the nature of everything else in our life - everything about ourselves. And we are prismatic - even holographic - there are so many facets to each of us that can be changed and affected simultaneously by one tiny movement in life. Even our thoughts change things.

So, I am challenging my belief that I *should have* achieved something else or completed something in particular by now. When I stop and think about, with each step I have taken to build what I am building in life, I have significantly enhanced, strengthened, altered and expanded my work - and my life. It is ever growing. I cannot feel badly about not being "done" by now. Because there is no done. When my work is done, I am done. The nature of life allows me to feel that crossing one finish line was only a step in being prepared to cross the next finish line.  All these finish lines take us to the final finish line of a life well lived.  By that time, and only at that point, will I be done.  And when I'm done, when my work is done, I return home to the other side. And I'm far from ready for that.

A birthday and a lesson after death...

Yesterday was my friend Jonathan's birthday. I've known Jonathan since sixth grade. He was kind and funny and seemed immune to negativity, peer pressure, hatred or meanness. He was quite simply the kindest, most positive and upbeat person I knew. Jonathan and I lost touch as many of us Gen X'ers did (we didn't have anything like Facebook when we graduated - life was very different). One day, at some point after I found Facebook, Jonathan did too and we became Facebook friends. He would send me messages now and then (not posts on my wall but actual, personal messages that often just said "Hi Amy, how's life? I hope you're great. I'm very happy that things went well yesterday at the hospital. I'm so proud of my boy! He's going to play soccer soon!"). You see, Jon had all the reason in the world to be down-trodden. His five year old son had cancer. He and his wife did all they could to have a happy, normal life as they fought against the cancer monster and celebrated his son's little milestones in the big battle and eventual victory over cancer.

Jon died a year and a half ago, suddenly, unexpectedly. Jon shouldn't have died. There was no reason for it. He was young, he was proud of his time spent working out at the Y to be healthy, and he had a son who needed him arguably more than any boy possibly could. I attended Jon's funeral at home and reconnected with old friends. We relived the pure beauty that was Jon. We mourned, we became closer to each other and I met his wife Sheryl and his son as they were saying their goodbyes to my childhood friend.

Sheryl and I connected instantly. I wanted to do something to support her. But I felt that there was nothing I could do. I was wrong. And I am telling you this - if you are reading - because you, like me, probably need to believe in a much greater power than what you and I can comprehend. You need to know that God/the universe/an energy greater than us is always at work in our lives - just like I needed to believe.

Jon died in the fall, not long before Christmas. I felt so compelled to do something for his wife and son but I couldn't imagine what - I barely knew them and I had no idea how it would be received if I did something. I wound up shopping for Christmas gifts for them both - surely, I thought, that was acceptable and welcome. While shopping for a woman my age and a five year old boy I was utterly compelled to purchase a pink feather boa that I tried many times not to buy.  I thought it was too silly, too inappropriate, too - something. But I just went with my first instinct and wrapped it up and gave it to Sheryl for Christmas mere weeks after Jon died. When she opened the gift, she was speechless. She smacked my thigh, looked franticaly around the room and then got up, searching for something. When she came back and sat next to me, she stared at me in disbelief. She couldn't speak and I really wasn't sure what was going on. She had a pile of photographs and kept telling me she had to find one. She found it. It was a silly photo of Jon wearing a feather boa. It had become a joke the two of them shared and laughed about often. I knew instantly: I didn't give Sheryl that feather boa, Jon did. But he needed a human to be quiet enough and trusting enough of her instincts to help him give this gift to his wife who missed him so much so he could say to her "I'm here." ...And I was that human who was eventually quiet and compliant enough to take a pink boa off a wall, buy it, wrap it and give it to someone who would, unbenounced to me, know exactly who it was from.

Yesterday we remembered Jon's entrance into this world in a now-Facebook culture. Many of us posted long messages on his wall about how much we miss him, how his positive outlook continues to teach us and what a gift he was to everyone. And while Jon is "gone," he is often present in my heart and mind because he has been my teacher, both in life and in death. He gave me my first tangible experience of connecting directly with the other side, with God. I took an action that came from deep inside of me, one I could not rationalize or figure out, no matter how hard I tried. That deep instinct (Jon's urging me) persisted and I acted according to that instinct. It wasn't mine to judge, just mine to act upon for someone else's benefit. I believe that this is what we are all given every day: A strong urging to do something that we may not understand, that may not benefit us directly but something that we know comes from a place of love so we go ahead and do it anyway. And so tonight, I share this with you all to suggest that we can all hear the guidance of God and our guides if we just listen to that knowing voice inside of us which proves to always be right, even if we never receive the evidence of just how right it is.

Jon, thank you. I celebrate your birth into this world and the gifts you continue to give us. We all love and miss you and I pray that we will all continue to grow in ways we cannot yet imagine because I know you are there helping us whether we listen or not.

Happy birthday, sweet soul.

Gifts from the universe: Re-examining during Mercury Retrograde...

Mercury is the planet which governs communication, technology  electronics, machinery.  It's a time when computers crash, communication with everyone goes haywire and plans go a muck   This gives us a great opportunity to slow down and focus on our own lives and what we may have missed in the months and years leading up to this time.  You will feel the need to tie up loose ends, speak your truth and handle relationships you have been avoiding.  Read more about Mercury Retrograde here and here.

Mercury Retrograde (November 6-26, 2012) gives us a chance (for about three weeks, three times each year) to go back and revisit the things we've left undone. Nothing complete will ever come back into your life.  The universe wants us to grow so anything that no longer teaches us will simply no longer be in our lives.  Whether memories, behaviors, relationships, questions, tasks left undone or just your way of seeing a situation, we have been given the gift of "re" seeing something in new light. Allow yourself to see anew, to adjust your thinking and feeling and see what you missed the first (or second, or third...) time around.

Rethink

Reflect

Revisit

Redo

Remember

Recalculate

Revise

Redesign

...These are the gifts of Mercury Retrograde

Image of planet in retrograde ("retracing" its own transit)
Source: http://starsyncs.blogspot.com/2010/12/mercury-retrograde-right-brain.html

Nothing comes back to you without good reason and a lesson for you to learn. Ask yourself what old things have come up for you - or come back to you - in the last three weeks. Whatever it may be, it is, at its core, an incredibly important opportunity to explore with new ideas because it is happening to you NOW. Reexamining the past and your attitudes about it is truly a gift because your soul wants to grow and learn lessons.  But don't get stuck with what has come up for you - you must make a choice about what you want to do with this thing, take the necessary actions and let it go. Remember not to hold on; to really let it go because it did not come back to you for you to repeat what you've already done. 

Each day is a new day and an opportunity to let go.  Each day is also a rebirth and an opportunity to see the world with new eyes.  Support yourself in learning both of these lessons during Mercury's retrograde transit.

Imagine just how powerful it can be to be given another chance to let go of something? Or even better - the opportunity to let go of the way you *thought* about that thing last time? Be sure you don't fall into a trap of repeating your own patterns, however, because you are never meant to go back and do the same thing the same way twice. You've changed and so has everything else. Use your current wisdom to revisit, heal, and let go.  ...And yes, be smart about those former flames that seem to magically resurface during Mercury Retrograde.  It's a well known phenomenon that this mystical window of time can bring back a former romantic partner with whom you still have something to heal.  If this has happened for you, re-read this because an old flame may be your trickiest "re" lesson to navigate.

10 truths: Picking up the pieces...

Ten truths worth telling:

1. That thing you really don't want to do is the one thing you really need to do.
2. All suffering ends.  You'll always pick up the pieces and build a stronger YOU in the aftermath.
3. Honor your impulses - if you don't, the energy builds up inside you and becomes something else you really don't want.
4. The time you spend in indecision changes the circumstances surrounding the things you must choose from.  You may have lost a very good thing by waiting to know if it was good enough to choose.
5. Real love never looks the way you thought it would.  Stop looking for it and starting feeling for it instead.
6. Don't allow someone else to choose for you.  They'll never be right.
7. When you don't feel good, put on your hottest jeans, your biggest earrings and pretend that you feel like a million bucks.  Even if no one else bears witness.
8. Dancing cures all ills, soothes all hearts, rids a mind of worry and translates emotional energy into joy, which is the fuel for the beautiful flow of life.
9. All joys and pains, friends and foes, triumphs and failures are meant to teach you something.  Pay attention - and love the painful moments as much as the blissful ones.  The greatest gifts lie in the darkest corners.
10. Falling in love is always worth it.  Always.  Don't tell yourself the old stories of heartbreak.  Heartbreak is only a memory.  Love is what is real, and it is waiting for you to open the door now.

A tree grows in the concrete.
It knows its odds of growing old are not great.
It cares not if its time is short,
rather it cares only to say "I'm here."
"This shadow is mine."
"I've earned what I've accomplished."
"I grew here to teach you a lesson, and
I'm happy to have had the opportunity to help you grow stronger."

On Divine Law...

Our story is never ending.  

The outcomes are not predestined, rather the opportunities and challenges that come up along the way.  

How we handle what we face is up to us and determines where we go next.  

Because the story never ends we must remember to always do what is best for ourselves and others because we are all part of the same divine energy governed by the Divine Law that says... 

*that which we send out to the world through thought, action or intent will indeed return to the place it came from... us*.

Divine Law, meaning that which is fair, loving and created for our highest interest, was created by Divinity and Divinity is the God energy that loves, protects and teaches us all as we learn that we are all indeed One. 

My journey is never ending and I choose to carry and embody love and right action for my companions along the way.

I embrace and I live by Divine Law.

I embrace and live by the Law of Love.

The greatest dichotomy...

It isn't black versus white.
It isn't good or evil.

It's the cavernous and almost endless stretch of pain, injustice, abuse, neglect and power that extends the distance between poverty and wealth.

Poor versus Rich.
Give versus Take.
Life versus Death.

It is no longer a catchy and kitschy theme for a Hollywood television show or comedy a la the rags to riches variety.  It's a terrifying and ever worsening two-headed dragon that humanity has single-handedly created.  It's a beast that has been fed  with the blood, fear and lives of countless human beings.  And it is a beast that is killing hundreds of millions of people around the world.  Tens of thousands while you read this.

You know the headlines.  You've seen the pictures.  But it's worse than you think.  It's worse than even I can imagine.  The "causes" themselves are the new players in the game of wealth versus poverty.  We believe that good people and organizations are doing their best to address the needs of those trapped in man-made poverty/war/starvation all over the world, but more than you can begin to imagine, we are led to believe something is happening (with, perhaps, our own money) but in reality, we're being lied to about what is really happening.

In this article in TIME, an employee who works for one international aid organization admits:

"Western aid agencies aren't reaching many of the starving. Some, incredibly, are pretending they are. Oxfam is one agency raising money for Somalia and claiming to be reaching hundreds of thousands when, as a spokesman admitted to TIME, it doesn't actually distribute food and has no staff in the famine area. Less disingenuous agencies will admit the emergency operation is not going well."

This, sadly, is one admission to the crimes being committed in the world by the very people we put our faith and home in to do the work we cannot do ourselves.  Or can we?

It doesn't seem impossible once you begin to consider that the starving child in Somalia is your child.  When you look at another human being as yourself, as your loved one, as your own child then everything in your heart changes.  What you pay attention to changes.  What you advocate for changes.  What you can do grows bigger.  You grow bigger.  And it is in the growing bigger that you do within yourself where the change in the world begins to happen.  Your single consciousness can ignite a fire powerful enough to spread across the globe - and change the hearts and minds of people you'll never know as it catches flame between you and your friends - to their friends and their friends' friends.

It's the pebble in the pond.  It's one small change in your world that can make a change and bring balance to the dichotomy between extreme wealth and poverty-disease-starvation.  It's your heart - and your informed mind - that can and must insist on fairness and equality in the world.

One day, we can and WILL live in a world where hundreds of thousands of human beings don't die of starvation mere miles from stockpiles of food.

When life shows up....

Sometimes it's subtle.
Sometimes it's overly avert.

Sometimes it's a shock.

Sometimes it's been there all along....

Photo of artwork in a coffee shop, name unknown, message received.

Life brings us so much each day.  Just sit, quiet and look.  Can't see anything?  Close your eyes and look within. It is in the moments when you think God has forgotten to deliver that He is doing his greatest work within you.  Be sure to pay attention to these quiet moments because they are preparing you for the moments that will arrive around the corner when everything you need outside of yourself starts to show up.  Your tools, your relationships, your challenges and your opportunities.  All yours.  All for your work in the world.  It all shows up for you to use in delivering upon your unique, divine mission in life.  

Don't miss it.  Odds are that it won't look like what you expect nor arrive when you're ready, but it all comes.  For you.  And only you.  Are you opening the door?

Knowing it to be true...

Have you ever had a gut instinct that proved to be right?  A feeling about someone or about a situation that was exactly what you thought when the truth came out?  Have you ever felt that you were inexplicably familiar with someone despite only just having met them?

These are all examples of the Spirit being alive in us and actively working with us... and evidence that we are fully present in our lives.  When we are open to our own Spirit (or God), this kind of knowing happens for us.  I've learned that when I feel most alive, most comfortable and most in the flow in my own life with someone or something, it is a sure sign that I am connected to a deeper knowing within myself.

There's a terrible affliction in humankind - one that keeps us trapped, living life in our heads all the time, trying to make sense of things, or worse, trying to make the world fit into our understanding of it. Too often too many of us forget to let go and let life happen.  And more often than not, people don't even realize that this is happening - that they are living life through their thoughts.  We've created our routines, our sense of right and wrong and our ways of seeing the world but they leave little room for seeing the world anew day after day.  There's so much beyond what we thing we know and see each day but it is so easy to miss it.  We forget, in a way, to get out of our own way.

Being open and letting life happen shows us a much more beautiful reality than one we could have written for ourselves in the first place.

I've practiced this openness to life and awareness of my own intuition for years but it's very easy to fall off the wagon.  Fear of loss, worries about the future, shocking information - it all throws us off balance in an instant.  That delicate and hard won balance is worth paying attention to and maintaining because it allows us to experience life in greater dimension.  It's a combination of living in the moment, listening to (and for) our own intuition, and believing that we are each a unique part of a larger story and that our role is critical to that story's success.  No one else can live our lives for us - we are here to live them fully and intentionally in the starring role.

Apathy toward your own life creates disappointment, lost opportunities, sadness, loss, regret - all terribly undesirable things!  So why not be engaged fully in your own story and fully open to all the story lines and walk-on characters that show up?  Only you can experience and share all those wonderful moments in the story of YOU.  And in that story of you, you are the superstar, the director and the producer - fitting indeed since only YOU can know all there is to know... and know it to be true.

You gotta have faith (ah-faith-ah-faith)...

No, not for the reasons George Michael sang about (though that's good too), but for the purpose of getting through.  It seems that we spend so much of our lives getting through something.  An interview, a breakup, a project, a period of change....  We spend very little time in the static space that must exist between one thing and another.  Between achieving/winning/surviving/overcoming one thing before another pops up in our lives.  That between time is as rare as the half of a day when all of your laundry is clean and there is none in the laundry basket.  It's a small moment, it's there, but it's always quickly replaced by a new and growing pile of laundry to be done.  Again.

Unlike the ever-present chore of doing laundry which is mundane, mindless and entirely nonthreatening (save for the part of you that just doesn't want to do it), our ongoing process of getting through something in life just seems to keep coming in surprising ways.  Sometimes we find ourselves getting through something that crept up on us, completely unexpected.  Sometimes it comes as a shock.  Sometimes it's welcome and lovely and you don't mind it at all.  But life is always a series of one thing after another that we are going through.  Or, as you might say, one thing after another that we are living.

Tonight I'm focused on having faith for the getting through.  I'm not talking about the kind of faith that we call upon when we find ourselves in sudden and desperate communion with God.  Not the impetuous kind of begging for the strength to get through something that happens when we are in crisis or hurt or in survival mode. Rather, the kind of faith we have that allows us to move from one phase of life to another.  From letting go of and moving beyond something we know well and moving into the great unknown of the future - having faith along the way that all will be well and banking on it being better than we can imagine in the present moment.

That kind of faith that we humans manage to have in the getting through-ness of life is the kind of faith that is an intimate conversation between ourselves and the higher power that allows us to get through anything. And I do mean anything.  And as humans, across the great span of human history, we have gotten through so much and most of the time we have done it not realizing just how strong we were while we were going through it.

So here's to having faith... and getting through.

Balance is being captain of your own ship...

Without even typing a word, this kind of feels like a redux on the theme of setting boundaries I wrote about not too long ago.  Perhaps I'm being reminded of my declaration to setting boundaries as I am called to write about balance tonight.

Perhaps it's because I've lost some very precious things in life, perhaps it's because of some wisdom I've gained with age, but whatever the reason, I've reached a point in my life where I know that I must intentionally and deliberately create balance in my life.

So many speak of balance.  So many books are written on the subject.  So many experts claim to have "secrets" or tools or or to-do lists for us to use in creating balance in our lives.  I'm beginning to think of balance a little bit in the way some might consider God:  worth believing in, worth the effort to know, a life-long inquiry and entirely unknowable by anyone but oneself.   And just like many a believer's prayers to God, I think one's commitment to maintaining balance might ebb and flow throughout life as well.  Finding balance becomes terribly important when life is out of balance but not much of a task when things feel good (how many people pray more when things go really badly in life but forget to check in with prayers of gratitude when life seems to be going along swimmingly?).  And just because life feels good, doesn't mean things are in balance.

Balance?

I'm in a space right now where things are beginning to feel pretty good.  I've eliminated many unnecessary things from my life in recent months.  I've spent quite a bit of time in reflection, meditation and prayer.  I've been asking myself the Big Questions.  This is all good.  But in the process of getting rid and opening up, I am acutely aware (surprisingly!) that a lot is flowing to me right now and I have to be very careful not to recreate another version of what I've just gotten rid of.  I am employing my still juvenile boundary setting skills, but in the midst of drawing lines and saying yes or no, I find myself reflecting on the need to be acutely aware of not just what I'm allowing into my life but how I am using it and relating to it.  Am I being realistic?  Am I being overzealous?  Am I missing information?  Is this going to serve me?  How much of my precious energy and focus do I want to assign to each part of my Universe of Amy?

This process is new to me and quite fascinating.  It feels as though I have just given myself permission to take the wheel and decide what, where, how, who and when.  If this is the case, who the hell was in charge before now??  Is this really what it feels like to be grown up?  That's a laughable thing for me to say because despite a number of revisits to my 26th birthday over the last several years, I am indeed grown up and I have the battle scars, bits of broken heart and a few grey hairs to prove it.  I've also been "grown up" for longer than most people my age but I think I've been seeking the permission and direction of others in one way or another for almost all of my adult life.  And since that is also precisely what I did during my childhood, I guess this means that up until the very recent past, I have lived my entire life according to the expectations of others.  Good lord.  Is this possible?  And am I the only one?

So, here I am.  At a very interesting transition point in life reflecting on so many lessons learned in order to apply them to achieving balance.  Perhaps this revelation itself is part of creating the balance I am seeking.  Perhaps being worthy of my own permission - and recognizing that no one but me can give me permission - is creating the foundation for that balance.  I don't know what it is for sure and I can't tell you what it looks like but I can tell you that this balance thing feels like something big.

My heart expands when I consider being the captain of my own ship and deciding what kind of cargo I'll carry with me to which ports.  And if need be, I can decide to dump it all into the ocean to lighten my load or recalculate my direction to a new port.  It's not about what or how much or how long or how far, it's about my relationship to what I carry -- and remembering that I get to choose what I say yes or no to when it comes to what I bring on board in the first place.  I'll get back to you when I can figure out how to factor the wind, waves, gulf stream and tropical storms into my New Balance Theory.  I'm wise enough to know you can't plan for those things and they are what really throw us off balance in life in the first place.  For now, I'll start here and keep up with my prayers of gratitude.

A message from the Hopi Elders...

I have loved this passage for years and read it often.  Each time I read it, it becomes more true, more eminent.  I encourage you to write it down, bookmark it, print it, copy it - whatever it takes for you to read this again and again when you are seeking answers and guidance.  

The wisdom is not mine, but the sunset, for a few moments last June, was.  

Both can and should be shared.

A Message from the Hopi Elders 

"You have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh Hour. 
Now you must go back and tell the people that this is The Hour. 
Here are the things that must be considered: 
Where are you living? 
What are you doing? 
What are your relationships? 
Are you in right relation? 
Where is your water? 
Know your garden. 
It is time to speak your Truth. 
Create your community. 
Be good to each other. 
And do not look outside yourself for the leader. 
This could be a good time! 
There is a river flowing now very fast. 
It is so great and swift, that there are those who will be afraid. 
They will try to hold on to the shore. 
They will feel they are being torn apart and will suffer greatly. 
Know the river has its destination. 
The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above the water. 
And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate. 
At this time in history, we are to take nothing personal. 
Least of all, ourselves. 
For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt. 
The time of the lone wolf is over. 
Gather yourselves! 
Banish the word "struggle" from your attitude and your vocabulary. 
All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration. 
We are the ones we have been waiting for!" 


- Oraibi, Arizona, Hopi Nation

Time with Mom... and making her proud.

There is not a blog site with enough of space nor a book with enough pages to allow anyone, ever, to write everything there is to be written about the complex and holographic relationship between a mother and daughter.  I'm not even going to attempt anything of the sort.  Instead, here's what I have to say (starting with a concise list of twenty items)...

In five day's time, my mother has:

1. Celebrated the return of my 26th birthday (again).
2. Reminded me and informed several others that she spent two days of hard labor "bringing me into this world."
3. Watched me speak from the heart to a room full of people.
4. Met people who love me.
5. Met people I love.
6. Met some of my friends who are now her friends on Facebook.
7. Stayed up until 4:00AM, on purpose.
8. Made me cookies.
9. Conspired to marry me off.
10. Burned cupcakes.
11. Bought me $3.00 gourmet cupcakes.
12. Ate sushi for the first time.
13. Decided she doesn't like sushi and has no use for chopsticks.
14. Made a commitment to a monthly donation to my favorite cause.
15. Meditated with a group of women she'd never met ...and me.
16. Did not learn how to upload photos on her new laptop despite hours of my coaching.
17. Spent too much time on Facebook.
18. Made me laugh.
19. Frustrated me.
20. Made me wish she lived closer.

She'd have to make her own list of things I've done since she's been here but I'm pretty sure her list would be just as ridiculous.  And I know that she would add one thing, and it is this:

I've made her proud.  

She tells me that a lot these days.  She would be the first to tell you that she should have told me this a lot more during the first 20 years of my life.  But she and I have learned a lot and come to appreciate the fact that our greatest challenges with each other - in this most sticky relationship - are exactly the challenges we both needed to go through and overcome to become who we are today.

Somewhere along the way in life, I learned that motherly love can come from anyone.  I tell my students that they've made me proud because everyone needs positive reinforcement and the kind of love that comes from hearing these words.  I know I do.  And I think we should all affirm one another often as we can.  We should all say "You've made me proud" more often than we do.  This is not necessarily just a mother's job, of course, but I think many people assume that others get this kind of reinforcement at home and that's enough - but it's not.  And what's worse, we don't think it's necessary to commend one another.  Far too many people do not have mothers, fathers, partners, families, colleagues or bosses in their lives who can give them this kind of gift.  But you can.

There's a great deal of love, gratitude, power and magic in telling someone that they have made you proud.  So go ahead and tell someone that he or she has made you proud.   Today.

Thanks Mom.  You've made me proud.  ;-)

Setting boundaries...

Ah, the Achilles Heel for me and so many other women. But I'm making changes. Who's with me?

With my birthday coming up, I'm taking stock, cleaning house and putting up new speed limits and STOP signs on the highways and merry lanes of my soul.  I'll be honest, a lot of people have driven a lot of over-weight, loud-muffler bearing, exhaust-spewing jalopies through my soul that should have never been licensed for operation in the first place.  But I've been open - too open - and so I've unwittingly allowed them have their joy rides and illegal street races, hence the lesson of this little soliloquy.  I'm done with the oil dripping, pot holes and smog.  Are you?

I've found it very easy to see and diagnose the People Pleasing Disease (PPD) in so many women and girls I know.  I have fought ardently against the spreading of this disease, and, like any good girlfriend, I've dedicated HOURS upon HOURS amounting to surely weeks of my life to helping other women re-pave their own damaged roads.  The question is, have I done the same for myself?  I think I'm calling myself on the carpet here.  Not necessarily practicing what I preach...  The question is, though, why have I not?

I think perhaps the boundary setting lesson is one that sets in later in life for many women (and for too many, far too late in life).  As I sit here at the intersection of last year and next year, I'm actually quite grateful for the gift of another year under my belt.  The wisdom that comes with it far outweighs the perceived laundry-list of down-sides that we women are told to fear/despise/mourn/surgically alter as we grow older (don't even get me started on this little gem of backwards thinking that exists in this and so many other societies...).  Really, I can't see where the downsides are.  I think I'm more attractive than I was ten years ago, more confident (which makes a woman more attractive), smarter, sassier, wiser, and happier.  I've also got a whole lot of street smarts I didn't have ten years ago.  I dare you to tell me what I've lost.  Please.

This year's Ah-Ha moment will be wrapped in a big red bow (or perhaps yellow "caution" tape for those tempted line-crossers) and I will happily present it to myself in celebration of another year of life.  I'm giving myself the gift of saying NO.  I'm giving myself the gift of doing what I want to do and not what someone else wants or expects me to do.  My heart is about as big as the ocean so there's no danger of Shadenfreude here, so why haven't I been trusting myself and enforcing speed limits or erecting stop signs where they are needed?  Is this just part of the female condition?

I've become quite comfortable with my wisdom, confidence, life experience and the belief that I am an awfully valuable member of the human race.  Oh, and I'm an eternally optimistic survivor so there's no danger of blind Pollyanna-ness here.  I have indeed seen the ugliness of life, quite a bit of it actually. I just choose to still be incredibly positive about what we are all capable of overcoming and achieving.  My own process of reflection (a welcome side-effect of wisdom) has taught me to start protecting myself from all of the toxic pollutants of life, be they smog, PPD, negative people, toxic relationships or staying too long where I no longer want to be.  I am letting it all go and drawing some lines.

So here I am, world: Amy With Boundaries.  I've learned that by saying no, I don't feed into others' unhealthy habits, helping them to heal in their own ways as well.  It's a matter of stopping a cycle of dependency.  After all, in order for someone to take advantage of another person (that's some pretty bad Karma that needs to be healed), there must be a willing recipient (you've got to heal that kind of Karma too), conscious or not.  I choose to be conscious. I hope you will choose to consciously set your own boundaries too.

I'm positive that if it's done for your soul and with the right intentions, no one will be hurt.  In fact, you may find that other women and girls begin to model your behavior and will do the same for even more women.  If we do this right, ladies, we can heal a very old wound in the human condition and rid 51% of the population of a terribly painful habit that no longer serves anyone.

Letting go is opening up...

Let go of your toxic relationships with friends, lovers, beliefs and fears. 

Open yourself to those who embody the same traits you love in yourself. 

Are you a good listener? Seek others who are good listeners. Allow such traits to be barometers of who and what is right for you.  If you are trying too hard to make it work, that is a clear sign to you to let go and open yourself to what is right for you.

My friend Asha is teaching me to see life as a process of deconstructing and constructing.  This is a powerful way to view the journey.  After all, we are here to build something and we cannot bring in something NEW if we do not clear out what is old, no longer needed and taking up precious space.  This is true whether in our home, our closet, our mind, our heart or our soul.

What are you holding on to that must be released?  Don't know how to answer that question?  It's the thing that makes you feel overwhelmed or sad or weighed down when you come across it.  Quite simply, if that thing (friend, lover, belief, fear, pair of jeans or ugly chair) is not nourishing you, it's got to go.  In fact, it's draining you in a precious space that wants desperately to be filled with a job that makes you happy, a caring new lover, or a pair of jeans that make you feel like a million bucks.  So let it go.  And open up to what is around the bend... it's yours anyway, it's just waiting for you to let it in.

...So let go, and open yourself!

How do we choose our mentors in life?

I received an email late last night from a former student asking if I could be her mentor.  She calls me Ms. Lady and she always greeted me with the biggest loving smile and a sincere interest in my life (not the most frequent occurrence in a teacher's life).  The email was short, to the point and as sweet as she is.  I've been a mentor to hundreds of kids but her request made me wonder how people find their mentors in life.  I have had a few.  Right now, I have one in particular.  I told him years ago that I look up to him and I reach out to him when I'm feeling lost and in need of encouragement.  Would he know that I refer to him as my mentor as often as I do?  I don't think so.

Although I have taught a lesson to my students in the past called "what is a mentor?", my former student's email has made me wonder.  How do we determine who our mentors are?  What do we look for in the people we look up to?  Is this even a conscious decision or are these mentor/mentee relationships established somewhere in the spirit realm and we just get to enjoy their development here in our busy little human lives?  Sure, there can be a generic answer here - or several actually.  You could tell me that a mentor is "someone in my field who has gone as far as I'd like to go in my career."  Or, "someone whose morals I respect and admire."  "Someone who is well connected."  "Someone who has taken me under her wing."  "Someone I just admire and want to emulate."  But, really, how are these people determined in our lives?  And do they need to willingly accept the position?  Is there a job description?

My short answer, dearest D., is yes, of course I will be your mentor.  And I already am.  I am here for you for whatever you need and I will always encourage you and remind you of what an amazing human being you are.

Hmmm.  Perhaps the answer to my question was in her short email to me, in the last line where she wrote, simply  "I need someone as positive as you in my life."