Setting boundaries...

Ah, the Achilles Heel for me and so many other women. But I'm making changes. Who's with me?

With my birthday coming up, I'm taking stock, cleaning house and putting up new speed limits and STOP signs on the highways and merry lanes of my soul.  I'll be honest, a lot of people have driven a lot of over-weight, loud-muffler bearing, exhaust-spewing jalopies through my soul that should have never been licensed for operation in the first place.  But I've been open - too open - and so I've unwittingly allowed them have their joy rides and illegal street races, hence the lesson of this little soliloquy.  I'm done with the oil dripping, pot holes and smog.  Are you?

I've found it very easy to see and diagnose the People Pleasing Disease (PPD) in so many women and girls I know.  I have fought ardently against the spreading of this disease, and, like any good girlfriend, I've dedicated HOURS upon HOURS amounting to surely weeks of my life to helping other women re-pave their own damaged roads.  The question is, have I done the same for myself?  I think I'm calling myself on the carpet here.  Not necessarily practicing what I preach...  The question is, though, why have I not?

I think perhaps the boundary setting lesson is one that sets in later in life for many women (and for too many, far too late in life).  As I sit here at the intersection of last year and next year, I'm actually quite grateful for the gift of another year under my belt.  The wisdom that comes with it far outweighs the perceived laundry-list of down-sides that we women are told to fear/despise/mourn/surgically alter as we grow older (don't even get me started on this little gem of backwards thinking that exists in this and so many other societies...).  Really, I can't see where the downsides are.  I think I'm more attractive than I was ten years ago, more confident (which makes a woman more attractive), smarter, sassier, wiser, and happier.  I've also got a whole lot of street smarts I didn't have ten years ago.  I dare you to tell me what I've lost.  Please.

This year's Ah-Ha moment will be wrapped in a big red bow (or perhaps yellow "caution" tape for those tempted line-crossers) and I will happily present it to myself in celebration of another year of life.  I'm giving myself the gift of saying NO.  I'm giving myself the gift of doing what I want to do and not what someone else wants or expects me to do.  My heart is about as big as the ocean so there's no danger of Shadenfreude here, so why haven't I been trusting myself and enforcing speed limits or erecting stop signs where they are needed?  Is this just part of the female condition?

I've become quite comfortable with my wisdom, confidence, life experience and the belief that I am an awfully valuable member of the human race.  Oh, and I'm an eternally optimistic survivor so there's no danger of blind Pollyanna-ness here.  I have indeed seen the ugliness of life, quite a bit of it actually. I just choose to still be incredibly positive about what we are all capable of overcoming and achieving.  My own process of reflection (a welcome side-effect of wisdom) has taught me to start protecting myself from all of the toxic pollutants of life, be they smog, PPD, negative people, toxic relationships or staying too long where I no longer want to be.  I am letting it all go and drawing some lines.

So here I am, world: Amy With Boundaries.  I've learned that by saying no, I don't feed into others' unhealthy habits, helping them to heal in their own ways as well.  It's a matter of stopping a cycle of dependency.  After all, in order for someone to take advantage of another person (that's some pretty bad Karma that needs to be healed), there must be a willing recipient (you've got to heal that kind of Karma too), conscious or not.  I choose to be conscious. I hope you will choose to consciously set your own boundaries too.

I'm positive that if it's done for your soul and with the right intentions, no one will be hurt.  In fact, you may find that other women and girls begin to model your behavior and will do the same for even more women.  If we do this right, ladies, we can heal a very old wound in the human condition and rid 51% of the population of a terribly painful habit that no longer serves anyone.