The gifts of Christmas...

It seems that if someone about my age is a single and childless adult at Christmas, said single childless adult must scrape together some semblance of holiday-ness in order to feel worthy of celebrating a holiday that is pretty much designed for children.  I have noooo problem with this as I love children. I am lucky to have several in my life (a few nearby though most live 2000 - 7000 miles away).  I love them, I celebrate them and I enjoy seeing the joy brought to them by the gifts, the lights, the magic and the general air of celebration.  I love it.  And perhaps that's why I've really struggled with the tinge of sadness I seem to have had lingering deep in my gut for years when it comes to this holiday.

I loved Christmas as a kid.  We didn't have much so it wasn't about the gifts, it was about the pure fact that we had something positive to celebrate:  the birth of a baby who started a fresh new life (which curiously seemed to end a mere 3-4 months later when we celebrated that baby's death by wearing spring dresses in the cold Northeast with matching hats and white shoes we had to try reeeeal hard not to get muddy).  But Christmastime, amidst the snow, cold temps and moon-lit nights seemed magical.  It was a happy time (and lots of people who weren't, as a general rule, happy the rest of the year seemed happier in December).  It was a time when "old" people seemed to look me in the eye and speak to me like I actually mattered.  It was a time when my daydreams got lost in the late afternoon darkness that was broken up by various sizes and colors of Christmas lights on the neighbors houses.  Christmastime was my time for daydreaming, singing, painting and making things for people who were happy to receive them.  I got lost in the wonder of laying beneath the Christmas tree and looking up into the depth of lights and branches and ornaments, creating entire worlds of mystical fairy tales complete with little beings who I just *knew* lived inside the branches of my tree.  (They probably lived inside yours too, did you ever look?)

But as I grew up and tried hard to hang onto that wonder (which manifested itself as entire Christmas wonderlands complete with live 6-foot trees in one corner or another of the various shoddily furnished apartments I occupied at the age of 21... and 22... and 23).  I collected entire Rubbermaid bins full of decorations - some handed down, some collected at after-Christmas clearance sales, some purchased with money that was probably meant for food - but I just kept collecting.  I kept up the Big Deal Christmas thing for years, through different apartments, different boyfriends of different faiths, and different cities.  I had great parties attended by great bunches of friends who had great bunches of fun.  Somehow, I was still gifting Christmas to my own child within - and to as many friends as I could have come over.

But something happened.  I'm not exactly sure when or how - perhaps a bad relationship, or no desire to unearth the Rubbermaids, maybe I was too busy in my new job... whatever the reasons, it all led to years of little or no Christmas.  As friends had babies, my Christmas seemed a little out of place, so I gave it up.  I had children around me to give to so I focused on buying the sweet little gifts, wrapping them in curly ribbon, fancy boxes you don't throw away and custom-made tags worthy of hanging on the tree.  I loved this - I still do - but I realized that this was a replacement for the Christmas I loved so much as a child and gave to myself for many years as a young adult but for some reason stopped giving to myself in recent years - until I realized something very important.

It turns out that the gift of Christmas is something you CAN give yourself.  You CAN lay beneath the tree and stare up through the branches for an hour in a state of wonder at the age of 30 or 50 or 80 (mind you, I haven't hit two of those benchmarks yet so I'm speculating a bit here...).  You really can.  You don't have to have a child to do it and you don't need to justify it to anyone.  The gifts of Christmas are gifts you give to those you love, yes, but the real gift of Christmas is something much deeper.  It's not just about the meaning that is discussed, debated, debunked, disregarded and just generally dissed more often than not lately.  Rather it is very personal meaning that matters - it's the magical one that existed in your own childhood and that is not debatable.  Nor is the deep meaning of the holiday that we each hold deep within ourselves debatable.  But I won't tell you what that meaning is - that's not up to me.  

It's up to you - not your mother, your sister, your neighbor, the talking heads on TV, the marketers at Macy's, your friends on Facebook, the people you don't really like on Facebook or your ex-boyfriend.  If it's overly commercial to you, well, I kinda think that sucks but that's your Christmas, not mine.  If it's orthodox, that's your choice too.  If it's full of Santa or ornaments handed down for four generations on your mother's side or if it's a time to bake with your sister, that's entirely YOURS to have, to experience and to love.  Don't give it up.  Don't give it away.  Do give.  And do receive the gift of Christmas that exists deep within your own heart... that wonder you once had that still lives within you and wants to give itself back to you year after year and remind you of something only you are supposed to know.  It wants to give Christmas back to you as the best gift you can ever receive, so be open and receive it.

Merry Christmas to you, to me, and to all of us, in whatever way we choose to receive that gift.

Oh, and don't forget the gift of the guitar playing Santa...  This one is for you, T.L.

The un-shared ideas of quiet souls...

I've realized, over a recent period of self-directed disconnection from most of the stimulus happening in our world that so many people matter whose names we will never know and and so many solutions to problems in our world exist that will never be brought to light.  These inspired ideas and peaceful solutions won't even be brought to a level of consciousness other than that of the mind that thought it.

I've realized that our thinking, hurting, angry, over-communicative, over-stimulated and frustrated minds are so full that the quiet space needed for the gentle souls among us and peaceful solutions contained within them have nearly no place in our world right now... but it is precisely those souls and those ideas that are so needed.

The news bombards us.  The talking heads talk.  The angry politicians act without thought and fight without concern.  The egos are bigger than ever.  Acting on impulse, from anger and without thought - it's everywhere.  The injustice is ripe and rotting in our own front lawns but we can't seem to clean it up.  We can't seem to even call attention to it anymore because it is everywhere.  In fact, the stories that seem to capture and hold our attention are those rare stories of change and hope in the world - those are the ones that stand out from the rest.  Those are the stories we are truly seeking, but our pre-programmed and muddled minds always seek more and more stimulation and ultimately they forget the story of hope.  They turn back to the terror, the fear, the desolate reality of a world gone wrong.  We swim in it.  We are desperate for change and peace but we can't find it.  Too much gets in the way five minutes later.  The hope which seemed so palatable is once again gone and we are left seeking, knowing it is somewhere in the chaos of the rotten injustice.

The hope must be held on to.

Those of us with the hope, the ideas, the solutions, the programs, the generous hearts... we must dig deep and find all the courage we can possibly find to speak aloud those truths which we know can change the tides in our world.  It's hard, doing such a thing, because it requires strength and courage that come from a place which requires a loving fuel to keep us going... but such loving, hopeful energy is so hard to find right now.  Yet still we must try.

And keep trying because that's why we are here.

Just remember that when all of the noise and chaos around us becomes deafening, it is in that space that we can be heard.  We carry the story of hope so many are seeking - and the courage to do the work.  There will be times when we - when you - will need to be your own fuel.  When attentions wander and people forget that your ideas, your courage, your work of change are indeed valuable and are indeed changing the world, you must become your own fuel.  It was in the very same space of great pain and injustice in the world that the quiet and humble teachers throughout human history - Jesus, Gandhi, Buddha - walked quietly through the hells that surrounded them to tell their stories of Love, Peace and Hope.  Those teachers became leaders, those leaders became prophets and those prophets became spirits who guide us still today.  Call on them in your time of great need, but remember that you too contain the same courage they had.  You have the same kind of thoughts, the same space for hope, the same earthly body and the same calling to "be the change you wish to see in the world." (Gandhi)

You may be one of us, you may be that peaceful teacher and I tell you now that I  hear you... and you are not alone.  For it is in the time of great imbalance that true balance can be found.  It is in our destitution that we can so clearly see what hope looks like.  And it is in a world that appears devoid of love for our fellow human that we can recognize instantly what love looks like.  While many may become distracted and forget that they've seen the love, somewhere deep inside them their soul remembers what it looks like and they will keep seeking it.  Stand firm in the love and peace you bring to the world and those seeking it will find you.  God's plan is greater than any of ours and he has sent us to remind the world of that.

Be strong.  Be faithful.  Be courage itself.  Be what you were meant to be.

Eye of God

Farewell wishes to Jonathan... & Finding comfort in cyberspace.

Tonight I learned of the passing of a gentle soul who gave much more than he ever took from this world.

Jonathan	live life to the fullest everyday is a challenge. one day at a time. things do get better.

A friend of mine named Jonathan passed away sometime between his excited post at 9:33am yesterday about the upcoming football game and today when word broke across the great span of Facebook that he was gone.  Learning of Jonathan's passing, and sharing sorrows with so many old high school friends would seem far more inappropriate were it not for this same medium bringing Jonathan's positivity to us on a near daily basis.

Jonathan was kind, humble and full of love and light.  I do not say these words offhandedly or because I lack for words when speaking of someone who has passed away.  This man was truly a gentle soul.  I remember him befriending everyone, reaching out to everyone and smiling at everyone - during a time (high school) and at a school that was, in all fairness, particularly unkind to many.  Jonathan was one of the few who rose above and simply didn't see the painful social boundaries that caused me and so many others so much pain and anxiety.  Jonathan was always unapologetically himself.  Always.

When Jonathan and I reconnected on Facebook, he became the breath of fresh air in my news feed.  Amidst the occasional vulgarity of my high school students, the self-aggrandizing photos and status updates and political declarations, Jonathan's posts were short, simple and hopeful.  He and his family faced much - much more than most of us will ever face ( I honor and respect their privacy by not being direct here) but he never lost hope; he never ceased to be upbeat and full of love.

For Jonathan to pass in his mid-thirties is shocking to those of us in his generation.  For Jonathan to leave behind a loving partner and sweet son is unhearable to think about.  But for Jonathan to be missing as the constant reminder that even a sunny day is something to post about is a moment for us all to stop and see what truly matters in life.

My friend Jonathan...

Loved his son more than words
Supported his loved ones through the greatest challenges people ever face
Spoke simply of simple things that bought him joy
Remained positive through the darkest of dark days
Appreciated all that life gave him no matter how small the deed or seemingly insignificant the moment
... and always reminded me to appreciate what I have and be present in every single moment.

Jonathan, you were and are an angel among men.  You touched my heart and you linger in my soul as a guide and mentor for life.  May we always, always remember to honor your spirit through the kind and simple ways we bring joy into another's life whether it is ever noticed or not.

Rest among the angels, my friend.  We are all celebrating you on Facebook, just as you graced us there.  And as Rob said in his post on your page, "You will be missed more than your humble and giving soul could have ever imagined."

99: another way to say "Global Awakening"...

It's quite simple.  When the PEOPLE begin to recognize their own power, they begin to wake up.  When the people - the collective that is the human population - starts to stand up and fight for itself, this is evidence of a global awakening.  99 has become an easy slogan for us all to recognize and understand as the place where WE fit.  "99" has become the term for the Great Human Awakening.

These are amazing times we are living in.  I am one with the 19 year old Rastafarian at Occupy Wall Street just as I am one with the young, scared little girl in Taiwan trying to work harder in a sweatshop and not be punished. I am one with the slave boy in the waters off Ghana and I am one with the filmmaker trying to capture the story to tell the world.  I am one with everyone else - all 99% of us.  What I am not one with is the greed and the corruption held in that remaining 1% - the 1% that for countless years has oppressed, enslaved, stolen, abused and focused on only itself.

I do believe that the individuals behind that 1% are souls with a purpose just like the remaining 99% - and their purpose is being delivered to us right now.  We are now awakened, we are now standing up and we will  never, ever go back to the way it was.

No one knows what will tomorrow will bring but can you FEEL the collective global awakening happening?  There's simply no way that we will ever go back to sleep.  There's no way that the occupiers will give up, go home, or cease to care.  This is not a headline we will stop reading about because this time, the headline is about US.  The greatest element of design in our human condition is the next generation:  there is always another generation with boundless hope for a better world that will carry on in this journey of awakening on planet Earth and we will continue to move toward it until we achieve it.

We *are* the collective soul on this planet.  We are changing our own world.  We ARE choosing freedom, equality, compassion and love.  We are doing it.  Right now.  We are realizing how much dormant power exists in the love and concern that lies in the hearts of 99% of the human population - enough to realize that we need to fix just one percent of us.  Just 1%.  It will happen.  Have faith.

Welcome to your awakening.

With love,
Amy, 99

The words of a dead man...

Tonight, I am sodden in this.  I, too, am a human.  I, too, feel the unjust in what has just happened.  When will we stop killing?  For EVERY reason.

Below is a letter from Troy Anthony Davis, his body now dead and his soul returned to its source.  His work in this lifetime brought us to this pivotal point in the growth of the Collective Soul of Humanity.  When will it stop?

To All:

I want to thank all of you for your efforts and dedication to Human Rights and Human Kindness, in the past year I have experienced such emotion, joy, sadness and never ending faith. It is because of all of you that I am alive today, as I look at my sister Martina I am marveled by the love she has for me and of course I worry about her and her health, but as she tells me she is the eldest and she will not back down from this fight to save my life and prove to the world that I am innocent of this terrible crime.

As I look at my mail from across the globe, from places I have never ever dreamed I would know about and people speaking languages and expressing cultures and religions I could only hope to one day see first hand. I am humbled by the emotion that fills my heart with overwhelming, overflowing Joy. I can’t even explain the insurgence of emotion I feel when I try to express the strength I draw from you all, it compounds my faith and it shows me yet again that this is not a case about the death penalty, this is not a case about Troy Davis, this is a case about Justice and the Human Spirit to see Justice prevail.

I cannot answer all of your letters but I do read them all, I cannot see you all but I can imagine your faces, I cannot hear you speak but your letters take me to the far reaches of the world, I cannot touch you physically but I feel your warmth everyday I exist.

So Thank you and remember I am in a place where execution can only destroy your physical form but because of my faith in God, my family and all of you I have been spiritually free for some time and no matter what happens in the days, weeks to come, this Movement to end the death penalty, to seek true justice, to expose a system that fails to protect the innocent must be accelerated. There are so many more Troy Davis’. This fight to end the death penalty is not won or lost through me but through our strength to move forward and save every innocent person in captivity around the globe. We need to dismantle this Unjust system city by city, state by state and country by country.

I can’t wait to Stand with you, no matter if that is in physical or spiritual form, I will one day be announcing,

“I AM TROY DAVIS, and I AM FREE!”

Never Stop Fighting for Justice and We will Win!

It's okay, you're not the only one...

I just received an email from a very close friend who moved to the other side of the world a couple years ago to follow her dreams.  She has.  But it's not enough.  It got me thinking (and writing) about how just about everyone I know is struggling right now.  I don't mean to say that people's lives are falling apart, in fact most "strugglers" I know seem to be doing okay "on paper".  They seem content and in most ways, they are FINE.  But fine just isn't enough when your soul is knocking on your brain and saying, "Hello, it's me, your higher self.  You're here for a purpose.  A big one.  And it's a big undertaking.  You won't fail, but you will have to change a lot of things - let's get going."

Sound familiar?

That's all well and good if you know what that purpose is (or at least think you know - or have an idea) and it's easy enough to live with if what you need to change doesn't cause you too much pain, or financial burden... but I don't think that's the case for many of us.  Maybe most of us.  I think we are all releasing something huge... and in some cases, we are releasing everything.

At first I thought it was mainly happening to my "generation" (let's call that Generation X - fancy label isn't it?) - but even that isn't right.  My mom is changing in ways I never imagined.  Others her age are turning over MASSIVE stones in their own lives.  At first, I thought my former students (who are now 18-24-ish)  didn't face as many of these challenges - I thought they had a different perspective because of their innate open-mindedness - they grew up living and breathing a kind of openness that has existed in their world view because they were born into a world that is connected via the webosphere.  They ARE the children of the global village.  But that assumption wasn't right either.  Many of them find the norms of society to be boring, redundant, pointless and un-engaging.  And they're right. How can we lose them before they've even really begun the "grown-up" journey?

Actually, I don't think we are losing them, I think they are leading us on this journey into Change.   For their generation, it's a default setting.  For us Gen Xers, it's a kind of refusal to conform.  For the once-radical baby boomers it's an overdue rebellion (they who got distracted raising us Gen Xers).  For all of us humans though, it is a very personal and very difficult set of questions, doubts, worries, self-examinations and, in the end, a battle that can only be fought and won with love and honesty.  Love and honesty with Ourselves.  Talk about a tough audience.

I wish I had answers for my girlfriend but I feel as though my only advice to her is to stick with it.  I'll stick with it too. (Mine is no less open-ended, unsettled, raw and inside out than anyone elses.)  Not only will I stick with my own uncertainty, pain, loss and confusion, I will do it right beside her (thank God for the internet).  And apparently I'll do it out in the open for the rest of the world to witness if they care to.  I suppose a big part of the self-honesty in this is admitting that we are not alone in the uncertainties - and then reaching out to ask someone to stand by us while we go through it.

This great collective of individual struggles is part of a greater human struggle to find what is right for all of us.  Collectively.  The Collective Human Population.  After all, we are all the same, aren't we?

What are you waiting for?

What now?

Which seeds are we planting?

I don't think I need to say much about September 11th today on the ten year anniversary of that awful day.  The sentiments have been written over and over today by almost everyone remembering September 11th.  We all have our memories, our personal stories and our pain.  I acknowledge that and I feel for us all.

But so much has happened in ten years.  So much has also not happened that should have...

A decade.  I remember feeling like a decade was a long time at one point but September 11th doesn't feel like it was a decade ago.  It feels so current and I'm afraid the reasons for this aren't what we would have wanted back in 2001.  Since then we've added wars, recession, out of touch politics and politicians and waste in more ways than I can even count.  Right after that fateful day it felt like We, in our Collective Soul As The Human Race all vibrated together, feeling like anything was possible.  Feeling like we could build anything, love anyone and right any wrong.

But where are we today?

I don't know my neighbors save for those in my hallway.  Money has been cut for practically everything and it has impacted my own life in major ways.  I've given up on politics and politicians - I just can't handle the layers and layers of spin, sugar coating and down right lies.  I'm glad to have been born an American but that's because it's all I've ever known and I've been given many entitlements from this side of the "border."  Who knows what my life would have been like had I been born an Austrian, a Frenchman or an African Maasi.

In the past ten years I've learned that borders are money-lines, most truths are lies and no one owns anything - not land nor buildings nor diamond rings.  It's all temporarily "ours" and ownership is an idea, not an right.  It all goes away and it all should because in the end, none of it really matters.

What does matter then?  That's easy for me to answer.

Peace.  Love.  Equality.  Fairness.  Abundance for all people (yes, it is possible).  An end to AIDS.  An end to stress.  An end to slavery, starvation and corruption.  An end to disconnectedness.  A return to our collective soul.  One Soul.  One humanity.

And that's what the next decade of my life will be about, no matter who is in the White House, the Kremlin, British Parliament or the apartment upstairs.  They are all just like me and I think more and more of them will learn this over the next ten years.  Here's to faith and here's to the kind of solidarity of purpose we all felt after September 11th - and a return to that seed which was planted that morning, not the twisted story of war and poverty and slavery and commercialism that has pushed us to the brink ten years later.

What about us?

This is so well done.  

What are we doing to our world?  

When will we stop?

The greatest dichotomy...

It isn't black versus white.
It isn't good or evil.

It's the cavernous and almost endless stretch of pain, injustice, abuse, neglect and power that extends the distance between poverty and wealth.

Poor versus Rich.
Give versus Take.
Life versus Death.

It is no longer a catchy and kitschy theme for a Hollywood television show or comedy a la the rags to riches variety.  It's a terrifying and ever worsening two-headed dragon that humanity has single-handedly created.  It's a beast that has been fed  with the blood, fear and lives of countless human beings.  And it is a beast that is killing hundreds of millions of people around the world.  Tens of thousands while you read this.

You know the headlines.  You've seen the pictures.  But it's worse than you think.  It's worse than even I can imagine.  The "causes" themselves are the new players in the game of wealth versus poverty.  We believe that good people and organizations are doing their best to address the needs of those trapped in man-made poverty/war/starvation all over the world, but more than you can begin to imagine, we are led to believe something is happening (with, perhaps, our own money) but in reality, we're being lied to about what is really happening.

In this article in TIME, an employee who works for one international aid organization admits:

"Western aid agencies aren't reaching many of the starving. Some, incredibly, are pretending they are. Oxfam is one agency raising money for Somalia and claiming to be reaching hundreds of thousands when, as a spokesman admitted to TIME, it doesn't actually distribute food and has no staff in the famine area. Less disingenuous agencies will admit the emergency operation is not going well."

This, sadly, is one admission to the crimes being committed in the world by the very people we put our faith and home in to do the work we cannot do ourselves.  Or can we?

It doesn't seem impossible once you begin to consider that the starving child in Somalia is your child.  When you look at another human being as yourself, as your loved one, as your own child then everything in your heart changes.  What you pay attention to changes.  What you advocate for changes.  What you can do grows bigger.  You grow bigger.  And it is in the growing bigger that you do within yourself where the change in the world begins to happen.  Your single consciousness can ignite a fire powerful enough to spread across the globe - and change the hearts and minds of people you'll never know as it catches flame between you and your friends - to their friends and their friends' friends.

It's the pebble in the pond.  It's one small change in your world that can make a change and bring balance to the dichotomy between extreme wealth and poverty-disease-starvation.  It's your heart - and your informed mind - that can and must insist on fairness and equality in the world.

One day, we can and WILL live in a world where hundreds of thousands of human beings don't die of starvation mere miles from stockpiles of food.

Heal the world... You can make it a better place.

There'd better be a good excuse for a blogger with a fair number of regular followers in all corners of the globe - from Demark to Hong Kong, Romania to Sri Lanka and Argentina to Israel - to disappear for six weeks, right?  Well, I've certainly got a good reason -- and countless stories to tell.

I've spent six weeks in a part of the world with the greatest dichotomies I can imagine.  I've seen the richest of the rich living fat and happily on one side of a concrete wall while the most poverty stricken human beings live on the other.  That these extremes exist is heart-wrenching in and of itself - that they exist within a stone's throw of one another is unfathomable.  That they live daily with the reality of each other is heartbreaking.  That nothing is being done to change this is criminal.

I've seen poverty, slums, starvation, corruption, child prostitution, abuse of power, child neglect, beggars, crippled outcasts, blatant pollution, hard labor, bare feet on city streets, animals and children eating from dumps, trash in national parks, exploitation of natives, parading of culture for commercial consumption, exploitation of those doing good and false promises by those who should be doing good.  I've seen it all, I've felt it all, I've been changed by it all.

There will be many stories to come but this is the opening of the box of souvenirs I brought home in my own heart - a collection of vile and screaming injustices that must be changed in the world.  I ask you to join me, if only in your heart.  Open up, ask yourself to give your attention and compassion to any of these stories and you will have made the first step.

I'll see you there - where we are changing the world, one step at a time.

Do what you must....

As things speed up and opportunities come quickly, be sure to take care of all the things that must get done.  Tasks, bills, to-dos, follow-up phone calls - it's all necessary for building the environment and structure around you that you need to build.  As simple or as complex as these tasks may be, they are all of equal importance.  They are all cogs in the machine that is your accelerating - and ascending - journey in life.  Be sure it is in tip-top shape so that it can carry you forward in this rapidly changing world.

The things you must do may seem optional or like they are just thorns in your side but they are all important building blocks that together, build the solid foundation you need to grow and prepare for what is next. Make a list, put it in your phone or on pretty paper and feel good each time you cross one item off.  They are each as relevant as the breath you took a moment ago and the one you will take next.  You don't count the little things you must do as the big accomplishments you make but together, they build to those exact accomplishments.  And there is so much you must - and will - accomplish.

So do what you must do.  Call who you must call.  Write what what you must write.  Read what you must read. Repair what needs fixing.  Organize what is a mess.  Clean what is dirty and unearth those things that need your focus and the light of day.

This is your journey.  Your chosen path.  Only you can walk it so do what you must to put things in their place and clear the way - and the rest will come.

How ready is your path?  

Don't get distracted...

Pause, breathe and listen.

There are so many things surrounding us right now that are designed to distract us from what matters.  So much simply does not matter and adds nothing to life or the world.

You know what matters.  If you don't think you do, take a moment, close your eyes and listen to your heart.  Pause.  Take a deep breath.  Exhale and listen. What is your heart telling you to focus on?  What deserves your attention?  What needs your effort?  Who are the people you should be spending time with?

Get rid of all the things that are not worthy of your precious time and energy.  Now, more than ever, it is important to focus, get grounded and do what you are here to do.  There will always be distractions - that's the world we live in.  But we don't need to multitask at every moment and we don't need to do everything that calls upon us.

Own your space in the world.
Embrace your role in the world.
Empower yourself to give your unique gifts to the world.

Don't get distracted.
Don't be distracted.
Go, change the world!

Your best interest at heart...

A dear friend, mentor, colleague and protector of mine, "D," died just over one year ago.  When I learned that she was dying - from a terribly painful battle with pancreatic cancer - I was in a state of shock.  She was in her early 40's and she was someone I looked up to and who, to me, was the closest thing I would ever have to a big sister.  As the oldest sister myself, I spent my life worried about and on the lookout for my little sister but spent much of life without much protection for myself.  I never really learned - despite the many, many challenges in my life as a child - to be careful about who I trusted.  I was given a kind of innate naivete that has been a gift in life because I find myself in states of awe and wonder often, but at times it has also caused me to trust and believe some people who did not wish the best for me.

While my journey with this particular karma has become a great learning lesson, it has also caused me a fair bit of pain.  I am someone who still believes the best in people until they prove me wrong - but sometimes at the expense of something dear to me, like my heart or my trust.

I am reminded today of the guiding words my dear friend D. said to me often.  I spoke them just over a year ago at an event I hosted for 120 people.  She had passed away the night before and I woke the next morning with a heavy heart and I held her with me throughout my day and during my morning speech.  D. said to me years earlier and on quite a few occasions something along the lines of, "Amy, not everyone has your best interest at heart.  You have to find the people who do and be aware of those who don't."  It was not until the first time she said this to me that I was ever really consciously aware that people could be careless about the way they would treat me - or worse, be out to hurt me.  Yes, I had been hurt before but I had spent my life operating from a place of love for others and I assumed that everyone else did as well.  I was wrong.  And I was grateful that she cared enough to help me navigate some situations where people did not have my best interest at heart.

So I choose tonight to share her advice with you.  Be sure to always take care of yourself and look for the individuals in your life who do truly have your best interest at heart. If you can't tell, check your gut.  Pay attention to your dreams.  Ask those you trust for what they see.  There may be only a very few who have your best interest at heart.  Or there may be many.  But until we heal the pain and fear that exits in humanity, you must protect yourself from those whose intentions are not what is best for you.  And when you figure out that someone is betraying you, my advice is to send them loving kindness and wish for them that no one does them harm because they are coming from a place of being hurt.  ...But their hurt should not become yours.  So please, as My friend D's words and her face and her mannerisms linger in my mind right now, let me give this energy to you to use and stay safe along your journey in life.

Look for those who have your best interest at heart 

and let go of those who do not...

Thank you for watching over me and may you be at peace wherever you are, dear D.

It takes Courage...

Courage is found deep within us, in a place we can't name or recognize - nor do we even believe it exists sometimes.  It can sometimes be seen by others but rarely do we see it in ourselves.  How do we find it then when we need it most?  How do we gather it up and put it to work lifting us up, moving us forward or getting us out?  Not a simple question to answer and not an easy thing to do.

Too often there are situations, adversaries or individuals who would like for us to stay precisely where we are, keeping us from growing or living our truth.  We've all experienced it.  All the "isms" in society, all the ways people are discouraged, all the moments we didn't stand up when we felt we should have - they are all part of a system of oppression that exists in so many shapes and forms around us all.  That these systems exist at all calls us all to stand up and overcome them as individuals and members of the greater human family.  So many people throughout history have lacked the courage and turned a blind eye or participated in the oppression themselves out of fear of becoming oppressed themselves.

Individuals throughout our human story have subscribed to the notion of "if you can't fight 'em, join 'em" and it has caused so much suffering in the world and delayed so much healing.  When an individual acts from a place of fear, he strengthens the oppressive systems that must be challenged and overcome.  When an individual acts from love, employing courage from his own heart, then the world can be changed and humanity can begin to heal.  Because these acts of courage are often taken by individuals, they can feel quite lonely and isolated but rest assured, so many are watching.  So many are aware and so many are looking for those who can lead the way.  This solitude in courage makes having it all the harder to muster but all the more important to find, employ and act from.

Courage is living according to your own truth, standing up for what you know is right and staying true to your unique path.  Since we all have different paths in life, only the Self can recognize the need for courage and then have the strength to make the move that must be made.  Others may tell us what needs to be done and their motives can range from pure love and concern to manipulation and power but only the Self can employ true courage and make the change, take the step or leave the situation.

No one else will ever tell you to become who you are.  No one else can help you become who you are meant to be.  Most people won't even bother to help another grow into who she is meant to be.  It's because of all of this that courage is one of those traits we most admire in one another.  We revel in the stories of those who overcame the greatest odds.  The stories that show us examples of humans living to their fullest human potential.  We need these stories so much that they become the lore that propels us to find our own truths and to fight for justice.  If courage weren't hard to gather within ourselves, we wouldn't retell stories of Joan of Arc and Jesus and Ghandi.  We wouldn't read books about heroes and we wouldn't define our history by a series of wrongs that have been righted and individuals who have done the impossible.

What is quite possibly the greatest thing in the story of Courage in our world is that once one person has found the courage to do what is best, right, good and honorable, we realize that we all benefit from that one individual's inner strength.  The story of human courage is as permeating as stories of long-lost loves found and deserving people who win in the end.  The difference is that while we all may not have long-lost loves to find or babies to save, we all have a truth to live and doing so takes courage - courage that is within us at all times.

Getting to that courage is something only some people do, but I believe we can all find it.  It's just a matter of believing in ourselves, digging deep and then standing up for something true in ourselves.  That truth, as long as it is based in love, is greatly needed in the world.

Stand - and act - from your courage.  Become who you are truly meant to be.  We all need each others' greatest Selves in order to heal so much in the world.  It's why we are here.  And we're all here for each other.

Look for what is yours....

Boy, was I right when I last wrote about moving at the speed of life.  Moments for me to sit down and write my inspirations here for you to read have been hard to find - but they fill me with love and they are a gift I have to give so I know the opportunities and inspiration will continue to find time, even as life moves faster and faster.

Everything is speeding up.  Everything is happening so fast.  Whether it feels like things are falling together or falling apart, life is moving so fast - for all of us.  Things are coming into your life that are uniquely yours - be open to them, accept them and most importantly, use them, and use them for Good.

Even the most beautiful things in the world require maintenance, cleaning, airing out, protection and repair.  You are among those most beautiful things in the world and right now, you, too, are experiencing a cleaning out and a rebuilding of old parts that were broken or new parts that have yet to be built.  This will happen in very unexpected ways in unexpected places - or sometimes your growth will happen in the simplest and most mundane of ways - ways you won't even notice until you realize you've grown and released something you used to hold onto so tightly.

Whether you can see your healing, your gift, your challenge or the maintenance you are currently undergoing or not is up to you.  Take a step back.  Breathe.  Meditate.  Pay attention.  What do you feel?  What are you resisting?  What are you ignoring?  What are you fighting doing?  What has God given you that is precisely yours?  Step into it, face it, own it, embrace it, love it.  The journey will carry you along but it will continue to present you with those things of yours that are designed to raise you into your higher and greater self.  Think of this time in life as an opportunity to raise your own inner child into the person he or she is capable of being - into who she is destined and divined to be.  I encourage you to look for the signposts along the way and step fully into your own divine path.  Allow yourself to transform, heal what causes you pain and release the things (and people) that keep you stuck where you no longer belong.

The path is yours, go ahead, embark on it.  It may not be paved, it may be dark and scary at times but it is your path and yours alone.  It is said that a leader walks a narrow path.  No one else will pave your way, save for you.  Go ahead, look for it and then take it where you are meant to go.

Moving at the Speed of Life...

Everything is changing.  Everything is moving quickly.  Everything is lining up, turning around, and light is being shone in dark corners.  Our purpose, our challenges, our to-dos are becoming clearer and more central in our daily lives.  We can't ignore things anymore.  We can't pretend things away.  We can't stick our heads in the sand.  We must - and we will - start to create great shifts in our own lives and in the world around us.

The journey has already begun.  You're on the bridge.

Be open.  Whatever shows up is showing up for you.  Yes, things are moving quickly and that's because we are all changing so quickly.  The world is changing at a very rapid pace and while we need to be careful to take care of ourselves and stay grounded, we must also be aware of the shifting, changing nature of life so we can allow ourselves to move into the correct flow of life - and onward to the other end of the bridge.

The speed of life is hastening.  You don't try to fight it because the battle will be too consuming.  Be open to it and to what it is calling you to do.  You have an important job to do.  You have an important job that the world needs you to do.

If ever there was an important time to be busy during the times in which you are meant to be busy, now is that time.  This does, of course, mean that it is more important than ever to slow down when you are supposed to rest.  The increasing speed of life will call you to become grounded and honor your body.  After all, it is this one precious body of yours - and mine - that will carry us stealthily through the shifting changes happening in the world and on to the new world we are creating - on in which peace and love carry us all through.

Flip your perspective...

It's so easy to get stuck.  Really stuck.  In our thinking, in our worries, in our ideas.  Even in the good things, we can get stuck - but those are easier to navigate.  It's when we get so deeply lodged in our own fears that it is critical to flip our thinking.  The only way out, I've found, is to imagine - and keep imagining - the exact opposite of our current situation.  That's when you get leverage from the universal law that says that what you think about expands, what you focus on, you attract more of and what you give your attention to, you manifest.

It is easy to understand then - in understanding this universal law of expansion - that by focusing more and more on the bad stuff or the suffering in your life, more of that exact situation is created, digging a deeper and deeper rut until you feel so incredibly stuck that you forget how to look for a way out of it.

Flipping your perspective, by creating a situation that is so completely opposite from the stuck place you may find yourself in allows you to start creating the space you want to be in rather than the one you don't want to be in.  The more you think about the place you want to be, and the more colors you use to paint that picture and the more details and emotions you attach to what you want, the more you open that magical, mystical vortex that allows you to create what you want in your life - and, at the same time, you will be moving away from that place of stuck-ness that you so desperately want to get out of.

I'm a big fan of fake it 'til you make it - that's the what.  The how is by flipping your stuck situation and focusing on where you want to be rather than where you are.  Your mind is a very loyal and reliable employee of yours.  It works around the clock without judgement or argument and it will gladly respond to what you think about by creating a stronger and stronger thought pattern to solidify and: (this is your choice, not your mind's) either further entrench you in what you don't want or to create a whole new attitude and way of thinking about what you do want.  In turn, the cells of your body (another hardworking doobie on your team) will respond in kind by making you feel either sicker, sadder and more stuck, or if you just choose to flip your thinking, your body will respond to make you feel healthier, stronger and more free to create what you want.

So if you're feeling stuck, just try it.  Imagine the opposite situation from the one you are in.  There are endless different perspectives you can have so go ahead and just start creating.  Make your new perspecive as fancy and wonderful as you possibly can, meditate on it and watch what develops in your life.  Remember that all of your employees (mind, body and universe), will respond to create for you so be careful what you wish for...!  Just be sure to keep it up.  Rome wasn't built in a day, you know.

When life shows up....

Sometimes it's subtle.
Sometimes it's overly avert.

Sometimes it's a shock.

Sometimes it's been there all along....

Photo of artwork in a coffee shop, name unknown, message received.

Life brings us so much each day.  Just sit, quiet and look.  Can't see anything?  Close your eyes and look within. It is in the moments when you think God has forgotten to deliver that He is doing his greatest work within you.  Be sure to pay attention to these quiet moments because they are preparing you for the moments that will arrive around the corner when everything you need outside of yourself starts to show up.  Your tools, your relationships, your challenges and your opportunities.  All yours.  All for your work in the world.  It all shows up for you to use in delivering upon your unique, divine mission in life.  

Don't miss it.  Odds are that it won't look like what you expect nor arrive when you're ready, but it all comes.  For you.  And only you.  Are you opening the door?

Soul groups & the power of love...

Spiritual teachers are telling us that we are all on a path to enlightenment.  We are starting to know ourselves in a deeper way and we are connecting with our higher, divine selves.  I've experienced this for years.  We are also tuning into our soul-level connections with each other and our soul groups are being revealed to us.  Have you noticed?

It happens when you meet someone with whom you have an instant understanding.  Someone you feel deep and pure love for and with.  When that happens, that someone is part of your soul group and it serves as a sign for you that your soul group is ready to find each other and do more powerful work on our planet at this time.  

As your soul sisters and brothers are revealed to you more and more, know that the purpose of this is to teach you - and all of us - how to love.  When you find that you love your friends, your teachers, your students, your colleagues... for reasons that you can't quite explain, then know that it is for the purpose of learning how to love all humans on Earth.  It is this love - as it expands to people we don't know and will never meet - that will replace hate and violence with peace and compassion in the world.  

Several members of my soul group have been revealed to me in recent years and it is clear to me that we each get each other in a way that goes far beyond the kind of friendship I remember having with people ten or twenty years ago.  There is a shift happening.

Are you aware of your own soul group?  Do you feel a deep love for people unlike any you've had in the past?  Pay attention to this and take a moment to reflect on why you are being given this gift at this time in life. And know that this kind of powerful and selfless love is divine and healing and you are a messenger of God... so go... and spread the love.

Celebrating death?

I'm back from my hiatus and the first and most prominent thing on my mind is the state of peace and humanity in the world.  I am feeling a sense of sadness and disappointment amidst the celebration of Osama Bin Laden's death - and a deep level of concern for where we humans, in 2011, place our hearts on the grand scale of human compassion.  Is it really okay to celebrate the death of another human being?

Celebrating the death of Bin Laden - once I heard the news of both his killing and the wave of American response - struck me instantly as just a wrong thing to do.  Why would we metaphorically dance on someone's grave?  Spit on it, sure, I get that.  It's an expression of anger.  But can celebration be an expression of anger?  Celebration comes from feelings of joy and happiness and love.  This is just not something that computes for me - and whats worse, it feels wrong and lacking in some sort of alignment to what is truly divine within each of us.

I've learned with time and much spiritual work that my initial non- ego-created response to something always contains a level of truth that comes from something far greater than my own mind.  I - and I think many others - tend to "revise" our positions after we have our initial response to a situation (and I am referring to our initial solar plexus-located intuitive-level response).  That revision is done in consideration of social norms, learned beliefs and opinions which are all external creations.  Once our egoistic minds become engaged in the process of categorizing, judging and assigning labels to a situation - often to a degree that the response is no longer that inner truth that we can rely on - I believe that we become misguided and get off track.  And it just so happens that I think that is what has happened in this situation.

It turns out that my initial intuitive response to the news of Bin Laden's killing is precisely in line with my very conscious belief in peace for human kind.  As we have had a couple of days to live with this new information about Bin Laden's death, I have found myself feeling a great sense of concern for humanity.  It makes me sad that there is so much pain, fear, death and destruction in the world - and amidst all that, I'm also sad that humans are capable of celebrating the death of another human being.  To be relieved, satisfied, or even glad about the "loss" of a human being - one most humans have every reason to despise - is one thing, but this act of celebration and how that is tied to a kind of patriotism is rather upsetting to me.

Celebrating death, in my heart, feels sad, lonely and misguided.  Death is not something to be celebrated.  In this case, this death will not be mourned by most people, but joyous singing and dancing in the streets in celebration?  It just seems wrong.  What does that say about us?  Bin Laden killed so many people -- that he is gone should give us pause to honor the lives of all who have died and suffered because of this man. We should pay little regard at all to him and focus all of our consciousness and emotion on the love that still surrounds the innocent lives lost both here in the US and around the world.  (Americans are not Bin Laden's only victims.)  I think, instead, we should bond together in our commitment to end the violence and bring more love and peace to the world.  Let's honor the souls lost to senseless violence rather than celebrating the death of one man.

The way we respond to ANY situation in life is a reflection on us - not the person or situation we are responding to.  It's kind of entry-level spiritual work I'm talking about.  Forgiveness is not for the person being forgiven but for the person that forgives.  The way I react to someone who treats me badly says something about me, not about the person mistreating me.  And the way I respond to the news of death - especially of someone connected to so much violence and hatred and destruction - speaks to who I am at the core.

I'm simply uncomfortable with bringing happiness to this situation.  Rather, I'm left feeling a deep desire to heal the world, to give more love to others and to have reverence for the entire course of human action.  Many, many people died at the hands of this Bin Laden and his followers.  What, exactly, in this situation is there to be happy about?  Bin Laden is gone but he is just one person - there is an entire army of misguided human beings who have obeyed and tortured and died for him.  Do we really think that will change now that he is dead?  Is anyone really breathing a sigh of relief?  Does anyone really feel safer now?  What, exactly then is being celebrated?

The spiritual teachers from whom I seek guidance - Jesus, Buddha, the Dalai Lama, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, MLK, Mother Theresa - would never celebrate the death of another human being.  Nor will I.

The spiral of life...

Life is a dance of dichotomies.  The pairing of love and loss, challenge and triumph, joy and pain accompanies us all along the journey. As long as we take time to reflect and seek the divine lessons in our challenges, then we are on the right path. When we step back and see this magical system for what it is, we can then find gratitude for all of the bliss and suffering of life.

Don't try to read between the lines...

Sometimes the message is not between the lines, but among the lines.

And sometimes, the messages you need to receive find magical ways to reach you.

This was the message I received today.

Open yourself and forgive.

Don't forget Eman Al-Obeidy

Eman Al-Obeidy is a woman in Lybia who was detained and gang raped by 15 of Gaddafi's men.  Her face and her story represents the stories of countless other women whose names and faces we will never know.  If you do not know about Eman, please circulate this and make it a point to educate yourself.  Eman fears for her life and rightfully so.  She asks us not to forget her.  

Please do not forget Eman.

Keep praying, keep praying....

None of it has gone away.  None of it has gotten better.  None of us are immune.

Japan, Haiti, Gaddafi, Eman Al-Obeidy, Lebanon, war, famine, fear, pain and inequity - it is all over the world.  It's all still happening.  As you struggle with your own pain, fear and disappointments, remember at least for this moment that there are millions and millions of us living in horror and desperation.

Please don't forget.  But please don't dwell in the sadness.  There is power in our emotions.  Our job, if we have the strength (and every single one of us should have at least that), is to send love and hope and prayer to all who suffer in the world and to do what we can to end suffering in any way possible.  Whatever it may be.  Wherever it may be.  We are all one and we grow closer every day.  We are closer to the Japanese than we were one month ago when the earthquake hit, even if we have forgotten amidst the busyness of our daily lives.

Keep praying.  Keep giving.  Keep loving.

Knowing it to be true...

Have you ever had a gut instinct that proved to be right?  A feeling about someone or about a situation that was exactly what you thought when the truth came out?  Have you ever felt that you were inexplicably familiar with someone despite only just having met them?

These are all examples of the Spirit being alive in us and actively working with us... and evidence that we are fully present in our lives.  When we are open to our own Spirit (or God), this kind of knowing happens for us.  I've learned that when I feel most alive, most comfortable and most in the flow in my own life with someone or something, it is a sure sign that I am connected to a deeper knowing within myself.

There's a terrible affliction in humankind - one that keeps us trapped, living life in our heads all the time, trying to make sense of things, or worse, trying to make the world fit into our understanding of it. Too often too many of us forget to let go and let life happen.  And more often than not, people don't even realize that this is happening - that they are living life through their thoughts.  We've created our routines, our sense of right and wrong and our ways of seeing the world but they leave little room for seeing the world anew day after day.  There's so much beyond what we thing we know and see each day but it is so easy to miss it.  We forget, in a way, to get out of our own way.

Being open and letting life happen shows us a much more beautiful reality than one we could have written for ourselves in the first place.

I've practiced this openness to life and awareness of my own intuition for years but it's very easy to fall off the wagon.  Fear of loss, worries about the future, shocking information - it all throws us off balance in an instant.  That delicate and hard won balance is worth paying attention to and maintaining because it allows us to experience life in greater dimension.  It's a combination of living in the moment, listening to (and for) our own intuition, and believing that we are each a unique part of a larger story and that our role is critical to that story's success.  No one else can live our lives for us - we are here to live them fully and intentionally in the starring role.

Apathy toward your own life creates disappointment, lost opportunities, sadness, loss, regret - all terribly undesirable things!  So why not be engaged fully in your own story and fully open to all the story lines and walk-on characters that show up?  Only you can experience and share all those wonderful moments in the story of YOU.  And in that story of you, you are the superstar, the director and the producer - fitting indeed since only YOU can know all there is to know... and know it to be true.

You gotta have faith (ah-faith-ah-faith)...

No, not for the reasons George Michael sang about (though that's good too), but for the purpose of getting through.  It seems that we spend so much of our lives getting through something.  An interview, a breakup, a project, a period of change....  We spend very little time in the static space that must exist between one thing and another.  Between achieving/winning/surviving/overcoming one thing before another pops up in our lives.  That between time is as rare as the half of a day when all of your laundry is clean and there is none in the laundry basket.  It's a small moment, it's there, but it's always quickly replaced by a new and growing pile of laundry to be done.  Again.

Unlike the ever-present chore of doing laundry which is mundane, mindless and entirely nonthreatening (save for the part of you that just doesn't want to do it), our ongoing process of getting through something in life just seems to keep coming in surprising ways.  Sometimes we find ourselves getting through something that crept up on us, completely unexpected.  Sometimes it comes as a shock.  Sometimes it's welcome and lovely and you don't mind it at all.  But life is always a series of one thing after another that we are going through.  Or, as you might say, one thing after another that we are living.

Tonight I'm focused on having faith for the getting through.  I'm not talking about the kind of faith that we call upon when we find ourselves in sudden and desperate communion with God.  Not the impetuous kind of begging for the strength to get through something that happens when we are in crisis or hurt or in survival mode. Rather, the kind of faith we have that allows us to move from one phase of life to another.  From letting go of and moving beyond something we know well and moving into the great unknown of the future - having faith along the way that all will be well and banking on it being better than we can imagine in the present moment.

That kind of faith that we humans manage to have in the getting through-ness of life is the kind of faith that is an intimate conversation between ourselves and the higher power that allows us to get through anything. And I do mean anything.  And as humans, across the great span of human history, we have gotten through so much and most of the time we have done it not realizing just how strong we were while we were going through it.

So here's to having faith... and getting through.

Look for the light in one another & open to your own power...

File this one under "Love and learn from one another - especially the ones you can't imagine loving."

As life gets harder and seems to challenge us more, it seems that for many people, a natural reaction is to turn to a very primal response:  To fight.  So many people, it seems, when they are frightened or confused or feel overwhelmed, look for someone to blame.  Some even simply ascribe the pain they are feeling to someone else.  Yes, someone may be involved in a situation that causes you pain, or someone may oppress you in someway.  Yes, there is pain and fear associated with the things in your life that challenge you.  But when you choose to focus your energy on blame, hatred, drama - or if you even just focus all of your energy on trying to figure out another person's motives or reasoning for doing/being/reacting as they have - you lose your own power.  To choose to be fully in your power, despite the involvement of someone who pushes your buttons, allows you to come into your own strength to deal with and learn from the situation.

I strongly believe that the circumstances that happen in our lives are all opportunities for growth.  And a big divine hint for us all is to notice when the same feelings or similar situations seem to happen "to" us over and over. In fact, they aren't happing to us at all.  They are part of the greater intelligence that is guiding us through our own personal growth and learning.  When we consider that all people in our lives serve as teachers for us, and all events and circumstances are part of a divine curriculum of sorts, then we can see that we are simply being guided through the opportunities to learn just who we are and determine for ourselves how we would like to grow and change.  Everything changes.  All the time.  We, too, are part of that universal law of change but too often we fight it or get distracted by the personalities involved in our stories.

So step back.  Quietly thank those individuals for showing you the opportunity to learn and grow and then focus only on yourself.  Those people involved have illuminated a very important part of your path.  Now it's up to you to recognize that light and use your own to head down the path a little further to a place you have not been.  After all, you and only you are here to live the unique lifetime that is and always will be your own.

When God closes a door...

He really does open a window.  Or another door.  Or eight new doors.  Or sometimes, even, an entirely new building.

I realized recently that I had been looking closely for something in one place for quite sometime.  After years of looking, expecting and hoping for it, I finally accepted that it was never going to happen.  So I let go and gave up the desire for it.  Only after I let it go did something else completely unexpected happen in an entirely new place with entirely new people.

Yes, I'm being vague.  It doesn't matter what it was for me, rather, the important thing is that we all begin to learn the lesson that looking for something is far different from allowing yourself to be open to something.  There are many wise spiritual leaders, metaphysical gurus and none-too-few books that talk about how we attract things to us.  And I've learned, after much studying, reading and listening that they all have pretty much the same thing to say:  We are constantly attracting to us all sorts of things but what the universe (or God) has in store for us is always exactly what we need, be it an opportunity to learn, to grow or to experience something important.  The universe contains such incredible power and works in so many ways we can't possibly measure or understand.  The problem is that we get so attached to what we want (or worse, what we think we need) that we often miss those opened windows, additional doors and brand new opportunities that pop up around us all the time.

Have the courage to stop looking for something in particular and open yourself to all of the wonderful things that life is bringing to you.  They are coming all the time whether you notice them or not.  And don't get attached to what you think the outcome should be.  The actual outcome, once it has come to pass, will be far greater than you could have imagined yourself.  I know, I've witnessed what is behind my own newly opened window after I finally stopped trying to get back into that closed door...